THE Best Day!

I must say Sunday was one of the best days I have had in a long time. Over the holidays I had such an amazing time with all my friends that were home, and since then it just hasn't been as much fun (Granted I have been sick for most of that time!) But this Sunday was what I needed. I would classify it as a 5 star kinda day....

A group of us roadtripped up to Mars Hill in Grand Rapids to take in David Crowder leading worship! He is one of my favorite artists, so you can only imagine how much I loved worshiping with the original artist! The road trip itself was an amazing time - tons of fun! Then it was to Panera for some awesome Broccoli Cheddar soup and some very strange conversation. (Don't ask, you wouldn't understand and might quite possibly think those of us involved are crazier than we actually are!)

Thanks to Danny I received score updates from the Bears game as we were traveling back, and I managed to make it in time to catch the last quarter and see MY TEAM go on to WIN in Overtime! Talk about exciting! Let's just say there was some yelling and jumping up off the couch going on. Stressful, but worth it in the end!

And then, my favorite TV show of all time had its season premiere - 24! Man do I love that show! Every year you think it can't get any better - and then it does! They up the ante. Plus its just an extra bonus that Kiefer Sutherland is some nice eye candy! Gotta love Jack Bauer!

It was definitely the kind of day I needed!

More than words

Sometimes a song better portrays my thoughts and feelings better than I ever could...

Tonight
by Jeremy Camp

In this time, I know I need to be more broken
Then I find, I feel this passion grow
To face all that’s been lost
It’s not too late to give control now
I don’t know why I wait
You’re always calling me

Tonight, I will take my cross
Tonight, I will count this cost
Tonight, I will realize to take hold of this very moment

In this time, you draw me by these words
You’ve spoken I feel inside, this never-ending hope
I’ve placed all that I trust in knowing one day I will see You
The only thing worth holding onto is holding onto me

Tonight, I will take my cross
Tonight, I will count this cost
Tonight, I will realize to take hold of this very moment

I will take this moment, and feel that it’s closer
And I kneel to show You this desperate heart of mine

Fear

I've recently discovered how often I let fear control my life. By recently I mean yesterday. It has been "brewing" in my head for a while now, and in the last few weeks it was beginning to become apparent to me. Then last night after an amazing conversation with a friend, I realized it.

I have been living in fear way too much.

The journey of me vs. fear has been ongoing for years. I guess God figures he'll just give me little snippets of fears to deal with at a time. Its funny how this time I was always looking behind me to see how far I have come over the years. I have dealt with many of my fears and have moved on past them. But yesterday I looked ahead. And I saw the fears I have avoided and let control my life.

Lately I have been reading In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. Its a book entirely about facing your fears and embracing those opportunities. As hard as it is to admit, it has taken me far too long to finish reading it because many times I have just pushed it aside out of fear! (Ironic isn't it) God has been consistently bringing this to my attention and I have kept ignoring it. (Also ironic since I had been praying for God to show me what I need to change, and when he did, I ignored him!)

A few life changing things have been heading my way lately. Things that I truly want, yet a part of me is afraid. A part of me that is comfortable right where I am, afraid of these types of changes.

A bit of background - I am a runner. Not literally. Although I do occasionally try to run, this is an entirely different kind of running. This is the side of me that is terrified. The side that wants to run a million miles an hour in the other direction to protect myself. The side of me that I constantly have to fight against. This feels like an uphill battle sometimes.

Although I know that after each little victory, the next battle gets easier.

I leave you with some quotes and such that have really hit home lately...

From Corey's blog - from Erwin McManus' new book Soul Cravings:
"We're all struggling to figure ourselves out. We're all afraid to expose our souls to those who might judge us, and at the same time, we desperately need help to guide us on this journey."

Eleanor Roosevelt - "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

H. Jackson Browne - "Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."

Henry James - "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

Louisa May Alcott - "I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."

Stairs

"The vision must be followed by the venture.
It is not enough to stare up the steps -
We must step up the stairs." - Vance Havner

Life

Well, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yesterday got progressively worse as the day went on. Saltines and apple juice were the staples of my diet. Everything else just caused stomach clenching pain.

Today seems to be progressing better although I am still not anywhere near feeling like the normal me.


On a totally different note (can you tell I am not thinking nearly as well as I normally do!?!) I'm having a very rough day. I am trying to be positive and pray about things, but when you don't feel good, and the weather is blah, and you are tired, its not such an easy thing to accomplish. The irony of my situation is that the particular thing that happened to make this into a "rough" day was in fact God's answer to a very specific question. Guess a part of me was hoping either for a different, or easier answer. Not a smack across the face.

So just keep on praying people. I need them today. And for the next few weeks and months. Things will be changing...

What a morning...

This is the short, bulleted version of my morning. If you want details, I'll fill you in later!

• After 4-5 hours sleep, alarm goes off at 430 AM!
• Roll outta bed, jump in a quick shower, get dressed, brush teeth (and me being the think-aheader put gel in my hair as I always do in hopes that it would still give me volume even if air dried - BIG MISTAKE!)
• Jonathan and I head out to the car and make the drive to the airport
• Say goodbye to yet someone else returning to school (boy do I hate having to say goodbye!)
• 545 Arrive back to the Kagarises and decide I could get another 45 minutes of sleep. Set alarm for 630 but can't fall asleep right away. Pray for Jon's safe travels - finally fall asleep
• Vaguely remember hitting snooze and possibly disabling the alarm on my phone - in my TIRED stupor I believed I had set two alarms like I do at home. I was wrong.
• 709 wake up out of the blue, look at clock and FLIP out because I still have to do my hair, makeup, change clothes, head back to my house to get my shoes I forgot and still try to get to work by 800
• 710 Thank God for waking me up! 711 Look in the mirror and see the error of my ways in my early morning gel decision - yes I did have volume. Scary hair!
• 725 roll out of the Kagarise's as Jonathan calls to tell me because of being in the military he not only got an early flight, he got bumped to First Class! Obviously his luck was better than mine.
• 800 Fly into work amazingly on time, only to find not one, not two but five notes on my computer of things that were broken.
• 801 reminded that yesterday was a full moon - never a good sign!
• 730-930 try to eat breakfast - end up eating one bite at a time, feel nauseous after each bite. Not good sign.
• Sitting here, trying to take a break and feel better, get interrupted many times to fix things.
• Finally get to sit down and check myspace and once again had a random friend request from some guy - been happening more and more lately, really starting to get on my nerves!
• Really want to go home sick. Feel like poo.

Can't wait to see what the rest of the day holds!

Hard to Admit

I have been slacking lately.

More than I care to admit.

Slacking in things that I know I need.

Slacking in the most important area of my life.


My spiritual life.


I haven't sat down and actually studied my Bible on my own in a long time. Thankfully God has still been speaking to me and getting his point across even though I don't deserve it.
I have been trying to work out a new way to make this a priority in my life - somewhere along the way it tapered off and I convinced myself that reading amazing books challenging my own faith was enough.

This has been weighing on my heart alot, and it really hit today when someone who's walk with God I admire and respect was telling me he just read Titus. I couldn't tell you the last time I finished a whole book of the Bible. Only that last week I read one chapter of James, this morning I read a few passages to answer a reference question I had and the few verses I looked up a few days ago to see what a bible verse included in a book said in a different version.

How does this happen so easily?

Without me even realizing or caring enough to do anything about it.

Something has got to give.

Now.