Powerless to Powerful

My mind is always spinning.

Always turning.

Always questioning.

The problem is that sometimes the questioning isn't coming from me. Sometimes the questioning is coming from a power that is nothing more than a bully trying to push me down and knock me out. And often that "bully" keeps me from sharing what I am struggling with the most, with the people who mean the most to me.

Satan is a very real, very persuasive force to be dealt with. And lately, somehow, he slipped under my radar once again and made me start questioning that which I already know to be true. How, I don't know, but he did. And in the process he had convinced me to keep my thoughts and questions to myself - from the people I am closest to, and from God as well.

There have been many times in my life when I can hear God's voice - when I pray for an answer and actually get one. And ironically the things I found myself questioning, were things that I already knew the answer to. God had already filled me in on his plan - and somehow, slyly, satan managed to maneuver his way into my head. I knew somewhere inside of me that this was what was going on, but felt powerless to stop it. (Boy, when you get stronger in your faith, satan must get stronger in his pursuit...)

Thankfully God kept on trying to get through to me, and finally, yesterday, I emailed someone who I knew would spiritually fight for me. It was such a hard email to type - and now I know why. It was an email that would start the downward spiral of satan's hand in this. Later I sent the email on to a few others who knew the situation and that would fight for me as well. Not too long later, satan must have been grasping for straws because he tried to make me question other things in my life. This time though the thing he tried to make me question I was not going to waiver on. (When God smacks you upside the head with his answer to your prayer, multiple times, you learn to listen and obey!)

This morning satan's hold on me was gone. And looking back I can see God's hand in it all - from the sermons I had been listening to recently, to the urge to let people in, God was still in control. I just needed to step up and stand up for what I knew to be true.

And let me tell you - what they say is true...I am stronger for it.