Broken

As I look around lately, I see brokenness. Broken people. Broken relationships. Broken trust. Broken hope. And it hurts my heart.

I hate to see people I love hurting…there is almost no worse feeling than holding on to a friend who is completely broken, and feeling powerless to relieve that pain.

How do you comfort someone who is aching to their core? How do you ease someone’s pain and heartache when you can’t fully ease your own? How do you hold someone up when they can’t do it themselves?

I know the technical answers…I know the spiritual answers…I just wish I could alleviate the pain now…


Broken by Lindsey Haun

Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky
Then it starts to rain, my defenses hit the ground
And they shatter all around, so open and exposed
I found strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up
Heaven knows that getting scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Yeah

When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken

Better days are gonna find you once again
Every piece will find its place

When you're broken, when you're broken
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken
Oh, when you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken

Thoughts from my time away...

Over the last few days when I was down at my grandmother's house I had plenty of time (well, more than plenty, almost too much time) to think. I took a couple of amazing books with me and now they warrant some blog time...

I am currently reading Rob Bell's new book, Sex God. Talk about a title you want to hide from your grandmother. Being 87 years old, who knows what her reaction might be, or the conversation that might emerge from the title of this book...

Anyway, one main thought has been processing through my brain over the last few days, initiated by this book...and constantly brought back to the forfront of my brain through some conversations...

"When Jesus talks about heaven and hell, they are first and foremost present realities that have serious implications for the future. Either can be invited to earth, right now, through our actions. It's possible for heaven to invade earth. And it's possible for hell to invade earth."

Ironically a very similar thought hit me through another book I had finished reading before picking up this one. We all have the power to help bring heaven to earth. And we all have the power to bring hell to earth as well. Often times without even realizing it. Is it possible that any actions, or lack of actions, we take will always initiate one of the two? And if so, how often do I actually stop and think about every single thing I do or don't do, as well as if those are bringing heaven or hell to earth. How many times in my life have I inadvertently brought hell to earth without even realizing it? Am I helping to bring heaven to earth more than I am hell? And if this is the case, every one of us holds the power to change this world.

Talk about something to think about...

Out of Touch...

As most of you know I have been MIA for DAYS now! And it has been killing me!!! I am so used to being in touch with everyone, and being surrounded by communication, that I was gettin the "itch" bad today! I was dreaming about checking my email! It was at this point that I made the decision to call the local library and see if they allowed guests on their computers - and YAY, they do!!

While I loved the quiet and the simplicity of the first few days, I was ready for a glimpse of my life back :) Thank goodness for cell phones that allowed me to still keep in contact with everyone...I just miss my friends, my work (yes I do kind of miss it!) and my mom. It feels like I have been gone a lot longer than I have...

I did realize over these last few days that I really need to schedule in my day of rest. As well as I realized how much I like doing the "domestic" thing, for lack of a better word. I really have enjoyed planning and cooking meals and watching out for someone. It was nice.

Also, my grandma is doing much better, although I am still worried about if she is going to be able to learn everything I have been trying to show her for when she is alone in a few weeks (no worries, I am coming home tomorrow night, my aunt will be here for the rest of the time...) Please keep praying for her...

Love and miss you all!!

Going MIA...

As most of you probably know, my grandma had some health problems a few days ago. I am going to be heading down there tomorrow morning (if the weather holds...) to stay with her until my aunt is able to fly into town. She is doing well and feeling okay, but the doctor wants someone to be with her for three weeks. So for the next 5-6 days I am going to be Internet MIA. If you feel so moved as to want to call me, please do! While I love seeing my grandma, I can only take so many days of being stuck inside a house, being fairly inactive, with no Internet or DVD player. Strange... At least I can get caught up with my reading!

Miss me lots and you all will probably be hearing from me via el telephono...

Something to think about...

I recently came across this amazing passage in a book. I just had to share it with all of you...

To quote Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend:

People who are good for you are going to have a threefold effect over time:

1. You end up closer to God. This person does not take you away from God. This does not mean that he seems himself as a spiritual giant. It means that he shows you more of who God is – God’s love and God’s nature – as a result of your relationship. He lives God’s ways, and you can experience God together.

2. You end up closer to others. You are a more relational person and grow in your capacity to relate to others. You trust more, not less. You are more open, not shut down or kidnapped to just this relationship. You have grown in your relational capacities as a fruit of being with this person.

3. You become more of yourself. Instead of a person causing you to lose parts of yourself to be around her, the relationship helps you find more of who God created you to be. You expand, grow, stretch, and become a better and more whole “you,” not less of you.

So, hold on to your heart in dating. Learn, experience, and have fun. Only give your heart to someone who deserves it. It is a precious commodity. As Jesus, says, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs” (Matt. 7:6) They will trample your treasures under their feet.

Good people do the opposite. They are a “safe deposit box” for the treasures of your heart. Only store them there, with good characters to whom you can trust your treasures. If you do that, not only will your treasures be safe, but their value will grow. That is the person you are looking for, the one to whom you can give your heart. Until then, have fun, but hold on!

A Bad Phone Call

I had a really bad phone call this morning. Normally I check my voicemail throughout the morning and afternoon, but today I didnt and wish I had. I had messages from my aunt and uncle (both from Arizona) trying to get ahold of my mom, not knowing her work number. I actually had a voicemail on my work phone as well but hadn't checked it yet. My grandma in Rochester is diabetic and has been having some problems lately. I guess this morning my cousin tried calling her repeatedly and she never answered. She couldnt get their herself due to the weather, so she called my great aunt who leaves near by. She went over and found my grandmother in a diabetic coma. The EMTs came and got her stabilized and the doctor said she was close to dying. She now needs 3 weeks of constant supervision and my grandmother will not go in a nursing home. My aunt in AZ who doesnt work is trying to get here (she is checking with the doctor to see if that is enough of the constant care she needs) but due to the weather the Indianapolis airport is closed. Shes with my great aunt now but unfortunately she can't care for her for more than a day or two. I have offered to go down being that I am the only family member with vacation time coming. I may be headed down there tomorrow if the weather clears (No worries, I am not going to try to kill myself driving in this insanely bad weather) Please just pray for my family. My grandma is stubborn as all get out and I know this is not going to be an easy time. My family is all really concerned as well. (And as you might have guessed, I am not handling this very well - she is the only grandparent I have left...)


Thank you so much for your prayers...

Happiness

Last night I got really excited about cheese. Yes, you read that right, cheese. We had a volunteer appreciation night at church and I was very excited to see that they had cheese in the food line! I love cheese! The girls I was with agreed that some guy will be very lucky someday to be with me since I am so easy to please and get really excited about the little things. So, in honor of our conversation last night I have decided to blog about things that make me happy. Beware: some of these are really strange, and very few people (if any) may appreciate them, but I don't really care :) This is about what makes me happy! And so begins the insanity...

~ Cheese (had to include the very thing that inspired this blog!)
~ Getting all green lights
~ Good snail mail
~ Crazy fun songs
~ Finding an wireless signal in my house - don't ask me where though...or how I found out!
~ Diet Coke (preferably from McDonald's!)
~ Good baby smell
~ Pictures of people I love
~ Pictures of random, fun times!
~ Pictures of beautiful places
~ Nature
~ Sand
~ Road trips - deer optional
~ India!
~ Anything that mentions India
~ A good hair day
~ Gerbera Daisies *Sigh* My favorite!
~ Random text messages
~ Unexpected phone calls
~ The first buds in spring
~ A really good book
~ Thought provoking conversation
~ Late night car conversations
~ Boxers or Briefs - The game people, the game! One of my favorites I might add!
~ Worship at GCC
~ God moments
~ Opening packages
~ Bubble wrap!
~ Playing with new electronic equipment
~ Putting things together as soon as I get them home!
~ A new CD
~ The way a baby gets excited to see you
~ A snuggly, cuddly baby
~ Warm sun on a cold day
~ Fireplaces
~ Getting a day off
~ Wrap around porches
~ "Scrunchy babies"
~ Visiting the places you did as a child
~ Bubble baths
~ Coming home to dinner
~ Getting to know people better and hearing their stories
~ Helping others
~ Figuring out whats wrong with a computer
~ Cafe Mochas
~ Starbucks nights with Jen
~ New Commnity
~ Crazy kids
~ Da Bears - whether they win or lose
~ Surprises! It takes alot to completely surprise me, and so I love when it happens!
~ Monday nights - 24!!!
~ White Sox!!
~ Random comments and emails online
~ Hugs
~ Fresh baked bread
~ Playing in the snow
~ Freshly fallen snow
~ Star gazing
~ Zucchini!!
~ Children's Books
~ Curling up with a good book on a cold day
~ Snow days
~ Vacations
~ Log cabins
~ Kids!
~ My Hailey Bean
~ Rochester Chinese food!
~ Seeing my family
~ Between the Buns - hmmm...wonderful!
~ My adorable nephew
~ Not waiting in line in the bathroom
~ High-powered hand dryers
~ Amazing Subway sandwiches
~ Hanging out with friends
~ The Kagarise's - home and family!
~ The zoo in the summer
~ Silver Beach
~ "Wars" between the sexes!
~ Big trucks
~ Matthew McConaughey
~ Chick Flicks
~ Building into people
~ Being with people I love
~ God's amazing grace and love

And the sad thing is that this list goes on and on....

Surprises...

I LOVE surprises! Partially I think because it takes a lot to truly surprise me.

One of the few people who have ever TRULY "gotten me good" is Laura. And she has now done it not only once, but twice!

Last night right as worship was starting at New Community, up walks Laura! Now for those of you who are unaware - Laura lives in Kansas City! She is in school down there for Massage Therapy. Anyway, Lindsey and I were bummed that Laura's phone was off and we couldn't talk to her to wish her a happy birthday. Apparently the reason her phone was off was because she was on a plane on the way to The Bend! So not only did I get to see one of my best friends on her birthday, I got a shock of a lifetime!

Thanks Laura for the great surprise! And thank your parents for your awesome birthday gift! (Aren't you glad you didn't tell me ahead of time - you might not have gotten a tribute with song...)