Friday, May 25, 2007


I can't believe how long its been since I have last blogged! And there have been some changes going on in my life...

We'll start with the little ones first...I recently joined Anytime Fitness. On my first day working out I decided to weigh in (as much as I loathed doing it!) so I would know where I was starting from. And for once I was pleasantly surprised. Excited even. Possibly even ecstatic. I had lost 7 lbs! People had started mentioning that I looked like I had been losing weight, but honestly, I didnt believe them. Yea I had drastically changed my eating habits, and I was getting outside and walking more, but I honestly didn't think that would have had any influence. Apparently I was wrong. So I have been working out regularly for two weeks now and I love it! So far I have stuck to cardio but hopefully soon I'll get up the courage to move to the other side of the gym and start building up some muscle.

God's been doing some work in my life - some struggles, some strengths, much learning. But thats a whole 'nother blog :) No worries though, Jeanna is happy through it all!

And now on to the BIG change in the life of Jeanna. Are you sitting down? I am no longer a full time employee of the library. For those of you who have known me for a while, you are quite aware that I have worked at the library for nine years. Yep, you read that right, nine years. A few months ago though I started feeling the pull that it was time for a new job. After much prayer and patience, I started looking. And multiple interviews later, I was hired as the Web Services Coordinator for GCC. While I am still learning the job, I already love it. I'm so excited for when I get to really dig in and fly with my new knowledge :) But with every good thing comes a few cons. Many of my old co-workers were my "other" family. We've been through the good and the bad together and it is hard to feel so disconnected. Thankfully I am completely addicted to the library and will be visiting often. I know though that right now, THIS is where God wants me to be. This is where I need to be. And I'm hoping my number of newly found gray hairs will begin to decrease :)

Monday, May 14, 2007

My marshmallow

Temptation. What entices me. How to resist temptation. Who will help me along the way. These are all things flowing through my thoughts since Saturday night. And they all have to do with marshmallows.

This weekend at GCC Rob delivered a message that hit to the core at an unexpected time. He asked us what our marshmallows, otherwise known as our temptations, were. I have known for a while two of my temptations and lately they have been fairly inactive. I have taken steps to keep them under control and I found myself listening to the message, but not having it hit anywhere close to home. I took the message more of a reminder for when the two temptations I was aware of hit.

Then he said something that I didn’t really listen to. He said when we left church that night we would be hit with temptation. I didn’t really see how this was possible.

Within a few hours I was being hit. Only I wasn’t prepared. This was a marshmallow I didn’t even consider to be a marshmallow. And the next day another marshmallow appeared. These two things had been a part of my life and who I am and how I function for so long that it never even occurred to me that they were marshmallows as well. And satan being the ever sneaky guy that he is, always tries to bring me down at night. When its late, I’m tired and my defenses are down. Those times when you just want to take the easy way out.

It’s times like these that I am so thankful that I am not alone. I have some amazing people in my life who remind me of who I am and how faithful God is. They lift me up and fight for me when I feel like I can’t fight for myself. We truly do life together. And thankfully last night when I was struggling and feeling the pull of the easy way out, one of them was there. She is one of the most amazing friends a person could ever ask for and she has fought for me time and time again when satan decides to reek havoc in my life. God always provides a way out to stand up to temptation. And I believe often times it comes in the form of community. Rob also said if you fight the battle alone, you will fail. And I truly believe that. If I had tried to battle alone last night, without God and without my best friend, I may have taken the quick, easy road. Which in the end, would have been the more painful, lonely road.

I know what my marshmallows are…and I know there are people fighting right along side me.

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Past mistakes

Not too long ago something hit home for me.


It was something I either heard or read, and somehow I don't even have a semblance of a clue where it came from. I just know the question that would not let me be. The question that hurt more to think about than probably any question in a long time.

Who have you led astray?

Although its only five words, and a seemingly simple question, once I started really thinking about my answer, the floodgates burst open. And sometimes it really hurts to think about my past and the mistakes I have made. I have changed so much in the last six years that I often doubt people from my life then would even "recognize" me now. A part of me wanted to run the other way - back to the place where I am now. But I knew I needed to deal with the guilt I was feeling. And the only way for me to deal with it was to deal with each example head on.

I started seeing faces and remembering. I started questioning myself - what if I was brought into this person's life to show them God, to show them His love, and instead, I blew it. I got wrapped up in the things of this world and the desires and actions of those people around me. And the hard part is that wondering what if each time God kept sending me another chance, only to blow it time and time again.

Sometimes I think forgiving yourself is harder than any other kind of forgiveness.

Thankfully I have an amazing father in heaven who loved me then, loves me now, and will love me all the days ahead. The mercy and grace he has shown me time and again still leaves me in awe. And I know many times throughout this past series on Grace at GCC God was speaking directly to me. He wanted me to know I am forgiven and loved and that now it was my turn. I needed to forgive myself and just continue to take the next right step. If anything I know now more than ever the importance of continually taking steps towards God and growing in your relationship with him. Years ago when I made these mistakes I didn't understand many of the things I do now. I was a Christian by technicality and didn't know it was supposed to be any other way.

I know now. And I know that I need to be prepared for next time - strong in my faith and my knowledge of his word.

I forgave myself for messing up.

Now all I can do is pray for these people that some day someone else will help them to see the way...