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Thursday, July 16, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
30 Days
Last week at our staff meeting we were broached with a question - if you found out you would die in 30 days, what would you do?
Some might think this is an easy question to answer.
But it's harder than at first glance.
It's hard to fathom that your life could suddenly end in one month's time. Would you want to know? Would it hinder how you live your life? Even if you did know, would you choose to continue life as it is? What might you do differently? Who would you spend time with? What would you do?
It's something to think about. If you're curious, here's my thoughts on my last 30 days:
Last week, when asked this question, there were two things I wanted to do: spend time with my loved ones, and sell everything & travel the world.
But, when I'm being completely honest with myself, traveling is not what is important to me. People are. The people I love are. Traveling would be the easy road again - see everyone, say goodbye, and then distract myself from the pain of what's to come. Of knowing I had a short time left to live. And that is not what I want my last days to look like when I stand before God. And I would never want to put my family and friends through that added pain.
So while my list is different than I originally thought, this list is me. This is who I am. My only question now is, why am I not doing a better job of these things when my days are not numbered.
Some might think this is an easy question to answer.
But it's harder than at first glance.
It's hard to fathom that your life could suddenly end in one month's time. Would you want to know? Would it hinder how you live your life? Even if you did know, would you choose to continue life as it is? What might you do differently? Who would you spend time with? What would you do?
It's something to think about. If you're curious, here's my thoughts on my last 30 days:
- I wouldn't complain so much about getting up early. I would want to have as many waking hours as possible with the people I love. I wouldn't want, on Day 29, to look back and wish I had just a few more hours.
- I would visit as many family members and close friends as possible. Not just to sit around and mope together, but to make memories. To have random fun, take tons of pictures and laugh our heads off. To love each other without abandon or fear.
- I would say things that need to be said, but have instead chosen the easy road. Things like: I'm sorry. I forgive you. Please forgive me. I love you. You're being an idiot. Please stop hurting yourself. Please stop punishing yourself. Let love in. Let God in. I'm praying for you. You are loved. You are missed. You are appreciated. You have made a difference in my life. You matter. You matter to me. You matter to God. Just try. Trust God - He really does know better than us. You helped me to become the woman I am today. Thank you.
- I'd write letters to those I am leaving behind - to give them a piece of me to hold onto when I'm gone.
- I'd make hilariously stupid videos to help people to laugh in the first few days after I'm gone.
- I'd put together a playlist for my funeral - and insist it be used. Music full of love, hope and laughter.
Last week, when asked this question, there were two things I wanted to do: spend time with my loved ones, and sell everything & travel the world.
But, when I'm being completely honest with myself, traveling is not what is important to me. People are. The people I love are. Traveling would be the easy road again - see everyone, say goodbye, and then distract myself from the pain of what's to come. Of knowing I had a short time left to live. And that is not what I want my last days to look like when I stand before God. And I would never want to put my family and friends through that added pain.
So while my list is different than I originally thought, this list is me. This is who I am. My only question now is, why am I not doing a better job of these things when my days are not numbered.
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