Short Update

• Crazy week getting ready for Innovate.
• WOW! Innovate completely blew me away!
• Awesome Film Festival
• Dr. Bob rocked last night!
• Discovered lack of sleep and a social life makes me somewhat cranky (sorry!)
• Ready to relax and chill now.

Thoughts...

Not too long ago I had lunch with an old friend. As we were catching up she started to share with me some of the problems she was facing with her husband. He doesn’t know how to accept love. He pulls away and doesn’t let anyone in, and hasn’t in a long time. And now he is freaked out and is pushing her and their family away. She is trying to help him and to fight for him, their marriage and their family, but is constantly coming up against opposition by him.

The more I thought about it the more it bothered me. Not only for them, but for what it showed me about all of us as humans.

When you are young, the idea of heart break seems foreign. You never consider the fact that it could happen to you. Young people tend to jump into relationships and give their whole heart every time. It doesn’t occur to them to protect themselves; that heart break could actually happen to them.

And then it does.

And everything changes.

Looking back I can see the exact moment when I started to shut myself off emotionally. Coming from a divorced family you would think I would have safe-guarded my heart a long time ago. But I didn’t. I didn’t think it could happen to me. I couldn’t imagine someone hurting me that badly. But unfortunately it happens to most of us. Our hearts get broken, and often times our defense mechanisms start to kick in. We run, we hide, we push people away, we use others, we hurt others before they can hurt us, we close ourselves off. Personally, I chose the running option. And I was good at it. Probably too good. I believe everyone wants to find love, but our defense mechanisms get in the way. And if you live defensively for too long, you end up hurting the people you are closest to.

Like my friend’s husband.

While over the past 1 ½ - 2 years God has helped me to deal with my “running”, sometimes it is still a struggle.

But now I am even more determined than ever to fight my own instincts. I see how much pain he is causing his wife, his family and himself. And I don’t want to get so used to “running” that I can’t go back. I’m afraid he may be so used to pushing people away and keeping them at an arm’s length that he doesn’t know how to get back.

So I will continue to fight my own instincts – my defense mechanisms. Because I know the person I want to become and that doesn’t include running anymore.


"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis

Random Thoughts After a Busy Day

• I did nothing yesterday but relax and watch The Office. It took me a good three hours to finally “relax” and let myself rest.
• This was a hard morning to get up and head to the gym. My bed was warm and the air around me was not. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep this morning habit up when it gets really cold out in the mornings.
• Martin’s salad bar has avocado now! Made my day just a little bit better.
• The room remodel on our house is over halfway done. I love coming home from work and going to see what all they have accomplished in one day.
• I’m excited to paint soon! And we are doing it before the carpet goes in, so it doesn’t matter nearly as much if I am messy!
• Serving in the nursery every Sunday is such a blessing to me – everything seems right in the world when you have a baby cuddle up against you and fall asleep on your chest.
• Something really great happened on Saturday! I weighed myself at the gym and I had lost 7 ½ lbs. in 10 days! It’s about time the weight started coming off! I had been gaining muscle and endurance like crazy and really needed to see the scale start to move. What a great way to start my day!
• The entire weekend was just awesome. I got to spend time with people I love as well as spend some time by myself. It was just what I needed before the week of Innovate.
• I am so excited for Innovate I can hardly stand it! There is some really cool stuff coming!
• There were two ladies at the gym this morning who apparently think they own the locker room. Had to pray to be patient and calm. A lot. I am not a morning person.
• Dr. Bob gave an amazing message this weekend at GCC. I highly recommend catching it online or listening to the podcast.

Office Fun

So what happens when Innovate is less than one week away and the stress is on?

Ouch...

In the last few days I can say that I know truly understand the saying "feel the burn".

I've been feeling the burn a lot lately.

As a matter of fact I am feeling the after burn right now.

Guess I just need to remember the other saying "No pain no gain".

Random Thoughts

Well, this was originally going to be "Early Morning Thoughts" but since the thoughts stayed in my head until NOW, it is now just random thoughts...

• The more you get up early, the easier it gets. I only needed to hit the snooze once and got up before the alarm went off again!
• I used to think I would have less energy in the morning to workout since I am not a morning person. I was wrong. I always end up pushing myself harder and accomplishing more now. I keep breaking my previous "records"
• Working out your abs makes it hurt to laugh.
• I love watching the sun rise as it is peaking above the trees. Thank goodness my gym has plenty of windows.
• I was really dumb Saturday night and paid the price for it. Story to come.
• I need an evening or weekend day to myself. I feel like I have been going non-stop for weeks.
• I can't believe OJ was smirking while getting arrested. Or at least he was on the footage I saw.
• I love outlet mall shopping. Deals are my friend.
• My ipod is my working out lifeline. I don't think I would be able to push myself as hard or long without it. Just when I am ready to stop early, a song comes on that inspires me to keep going.
• Somehow lately I have been going to the gym 7 days a week. And now I can't imagine NOT going everyday.
• I can't believe I just typed the previous "thought". What has happened to me?!?

Why I switched to morning workouts...

Pieces of our old roof and random stuff that I don't know where it came from...

The view from the outside in - I'm standing where our door used to be, looking in at a piece of plywood closing off the rest of our house. Notice, it's quite bright. That's because there is no longer a roof.

The backwall that had water damage as well and needs to be completely redone. Scary huh. Our house now has a "sun room" temporarily. Pardon me if I choose NOT to spend time out there.

My newest purchase!

Since I have been working out everyday lately (and if not everyday at least 5 days a week) I have realized I am going to be going through shoes much faster than before. A month or so ago my shoes started to hurt my feet. I knew it was time for new shoes, but was awaiting a good deal.



Today I found one. And a new favorite store. Adidas now has an OUTLET store in Michigan City! Yes, you read that right. I bought a cute and comfy pair of $75 shoes for $49 - not even on sale! I love them and can't wait to workout with them tomorrow! I call them my new fitness-y shoes.

My not-so-fun Saturday

I should have known today was going to be a rough one when I previously decided I needed a "Jeanna Day". I wasn't going to schedule anything in besides hitting the gym and later the 730 service at church. I should know better than to plan ahead.

Thursday I went by the library to see my old co-workers and boss. After only a few minutes of talking with my boss I could see that she was completely swamped and practically drowning in work. I was nearly in tears while talking to her...so I told her to call or email me if she needed help and if I was available I would do anything I could to help her out. I am still on the payroll for just such instances.

Friday she emailed me. I was so glad she asked for help - normally she won't. She needed me to help do an extremely simple but much needed task at one of the branches before Tuesday morning. Of course I said yes - even though I knew it would take 1-2 hours of my day because its a long running program. No big deal I thought - easy to squeeze that into my fairly empty day.

THEN it all went down hill this morning.

Last night my mom got a flat tire on a nail in our garage. I couldn't change it last night so I decided to do it this morning.

Now let me just say this - while I am capable of changing a tire - I do not like to do so. If there had been any man around at the time, I would have gladly begged for assistance. But alas, it fell onto me.

After some minor drama in the changing of the tire I came to discover that the spare tire was either in need of some air or was unhappy at having to work this morning.

And of course this was all discovered 10 minutes before my mom had to leave. So here I am covered in grease (yuck!) and now have to drive my mom somewhere. I have to hop in the shower with some Dawn to cut the grease (the ad doesn't lie, it really does cut grease out of your way) and play chauffer. Then had to fit in a workout and am currently now at the library.

How did my relaxing day end up like this? *Sigh* I guess there's always next weekend...

Fear

One of my friends sent me this from her devotions...it really resonated with me so I wanted to share it with everyone else...

1st John 4:18 " There is NO fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Or the Message version " There is no room in love for fear. Well- formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life-fear of death, fear of judgment- is not yet fully formed in love."

Her thoughts: this verse , clearly points out that perfect love, the love that Christ desires us to share with Him and with others, casts out fear. I thought that this verse might be something that you could use as a reminder that perfect love doesn't fear but hopes and trusts.

Early Morning Thoughts

• I forgot how much I love watching the sunrise. It always leaves me in awe of how powerful God is.


• The gym is so much quieter in the morning – I kinda like it.


• Working out twice in less than 12 hours is not the brightest idea when both times were hardcore workouts.


• Morning workouts are so much harder, yet I feel so much more productive.


• Watched the morning news at the gym – found myself so upset by all the negative things going on in my community that I just started praying for all the stories I was watching unfold. Two murders last night and the trial for the man accused of shooting a police officer last year was just the opening news headlines.


• It’s frustrating when you have to get the condensation off your car twice during a two hour time period.


• Working out is great for your posture – it hurts too much to slouch.


• I wanted a smoothie this morning after my workout, but they weren’t open yet. I was bummed.


• I broke down and actually did it – I turned the heat on in my car this morning. Don’t judge! It was 40-something degrees outside! Granted it was in the high 40’s but still, it was cold!


• What is up with the weather in northern Indiana?! This morning it was 49 degrees on the local news station, with a high of 77 today! How do you dress for that!?!


• I’ve been challenged to workout for three weeks in the mornings, instead of just the two. I have to admit, the thought of losing ticks me off – I’m highly determined and stubborn at times – so I won’t lose.


• The pond at GCC was steaming this morning. It was absolutely beautiful.


• I can feel and see many more muscles on my body. And I love it! Granted they are still small, but they are there none the less! YAY!

Gotta love it!

Part of my job is uploading different videos and medias online for all to view and enjoy. If you make it to weekend services, most of these you have seen. But if you don't get the chance to go, there is always a later option to check stuff out. OR you may just be like me and when something hits home, you want to watch it over and over again or share it with someone else. So today here are three more of my favorite medias or videos from GCC:

This was used just this last weekend - wow we have some talent around here!

This was an illustration for our Doors Series, called One Step Closer

A few weeks ago people had the opportunity to accept Christ and walk through the door. This was shown the week after to highlight that amazing weekend.

Random video

This cracks me up - I don't know why, but I love it!

Becoming a morning person...

If you know me, you know that I am not a morning person. I will sleep as late as I possibly can and the snooze button is my friend. I use it multiple times every morning. I have even been known to change my alarm time while half asleep to allow a few more minutes of blissful rest. Amazingly I have never been late to work because of these habits. I think I am just too smart for my own good and know exactly how little time it will take me to get ready in the morning to still get to work.

Last week I completely surprised myself and my co-workers by getting up early in order to be at the gym by 630. Yes that is 630 in the morning. A completely obscene time in my opinion. But it was my only option to workout for a few days, so I set 4, yes 4, alarms to make sure I would get up. At the time I assumed that would be a one time deal.

Starting Thursday, though, I will be a morning person. As much as I would love to say this is because of my knowledge of the health benefits of morning workouts, OR because it would be a great way to start my day. But my reasons are none of the above. My reasons are much more trivial and pure convenience. We are having some work done on a room in our house - and you guessed it, they start work on Thursday morning. At 7 am. So I figure my options are try to get ready around workmen which always makes for awkwardness as well as trying to maneuver around many vehicles in my driveway in order to leave. Or I get up early, hit the gym at 630 every morning and get ready at the gym. In my mind there was only one option: become a morning person.

Hmmm...a morning person by necessity.

Definitely not me.

Don't be surprised if after these 2+ weeks I am back to sleeping in as late as possible and reacquainting myself with my friend, the snooze button.

All About Who?

The last few weeks God has been doing some amazing things in my life. It seems like many of my blogs cover the same time period, but I keep getting hit with new realizations. God keeps moving, so I'm going to keep blogging :)

I've been thinking about prayer a lot lately. Not so much on the "deep" "philosophical" level, more of the "smack me over the head why the heck has it taken me so long to get this" level. I realized that my prayer life is selfish. Not selfish in the way most people think of selfish. But selfish in a scarier way.

I was praying for "things" - for "miracles" - for "guidance" - for "connection". But I was neglecting to do one of the most important things. Thank God for the prayers He answered. And thank Him for the prayers He didn't. I realized after the urgency of the moment passed, and things were resolved, I haphazardly thanked God and proceeded to move on. I wasn't thanking Him with the energy He deserved!

I really started to see this a few weeks ago. There was an urgent prayer in my life - I found myself praying harder, stronger, with others, by myself, throughout the entire day. And when God took care of it, I truly started to thank Him. I still haven't stopped thanking Him - it was that important. And that's when it started to hit me.

Why don't I do this all the time?

Shouldn't every prayer that gets answered deserve a "Thanks"?

Don't we all sometimes just want to hear a simple "Thank You"?

Doesn't God deserve that the most? And yet, when we neglect to do so, He keeps on giving - keeps on answering - keeps on loving us.

I Believe

Not so long ago I was in a valley. It was a rough place to be and I felt as if God was silent. I was hurting and scared but I couldn’t hear his voice when I so desperately needed to. I was at the point where I knew I needed to read my Bible, but yet I couldn’t. I was lucky enough to have a few things in my life at that point that kept me afloat – kept me from sinking. Often during times like those, music and lyrics are what help me get back on track. So many times it feels as if a song was written specifically for me. This is one of the songs from that valley:

I Believe In Love
By Barlow Girl

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.

Hittin’ it Hard

I had a rude awakening last week. Over the last few months my eating habits during the day had headed downhill fast. While I was still eating fairly healthy for breakfast and dinner, my lunch and snacking habits had gotten way off balance. I had stopped consistently losing weight. But I was still continually gaining muscle from my regular gym visits. Then it suddenly occurred to me. If I just changed my habits back to making healthy choices throughout the day, my weight loss would begin progressing.

When I sat down one day last week and looked at the average numbers of fat and calories I was in taking daily just for lunch, I was shocked. If I just changed that one aspect of my life, I could reach my target weight and size with a whole lot less effort. As well as making myself an overall healthier person.

So, that’s what I have been doing. I’m not letting myself get off easy at the gym, and I’m watching the food choices I am making daily. I’m pushing myself harder and trusting others to help me be accountable.

The irony of my life is this time I had all the knowledge of how to lose weight the right way. I just only followed it for half of my day.

But times have changed. While you may still find me on occasion splurging, as all of us should, it has become the exception not the rule. Watch out world – times they are a changin’

"Because It's Not About You"

One of the great things about my job is that I often get driven to other church's websites. I get to see what they are doing, how they are doing it and the impact they are making in their communities.

This morning Liquid Church came on my radar. And the media I watched touched my heart. It inspires me. It makes me smile. It makes me proud to be a follower of Christ.

Check it out - its worth the few minutes.

Trust me.

I heart smoothies

It's hard to believe only a few short months ago I was completely unaware of the amazing smoothies that are right next door to my gym.

I wanted caffeine this morning - badly - but instead of choosing Starbucks I decided one my favorite smoothies. I'm trying to become less relient on caffeine every day. And I must say, my smoothie made me very happy. So happy in fact that I took a picture of my Maui Breeze smoothie with my phone.



Jumpin' Juice and Java has found a special place in my heart. While I have heard that Jamba Juice is amazing, especially by one person who will remain nameless that is completely obsessed, I have yet to have experienced one. Hard to imagine that it could be better than my Maui Breeze.