Friday, August 31, 2007


My blogging life just got 10 times easier! I have friends who read my blog in all different places. Some use a feed, some use facebook, some actually go to my blog address and some read it on myspace. So, yes, believe it or not, I blog for all types! What can I say, it's a good thing I'm a multi-tasker! Anyway, I always compose in blogger and facebook pulls it in for me - Thank you facebook! But myspace never works as it should. So I end up having to copy and paste, re-doing all my links, inserting the pictures and it never works right.

And then I saw it.

The light at the end of the tunnel.

The little button I'd always ignored because I didn't know what it meant - until my new job.

The "View Source" button. The button that has just cause a surge of dorky adrenaline throughout my body! Right now about two people are excited with me, the rest are confused. Let's just say I can copy the html code for my blog post in blogger (which includes all my formatting, links and pictures) and paste it into my myspace blog using this handy dandy new option I just discovered.

I'm pumped.

Thank you html!

Late Night Thoughts

  • There is something that is so hard about turning off the car stereo while you drive. But yet, after you do it, and you get used to the quiet, you realize your life needs to be quiet sometimes too.
  • My favorite pen is running out of ink. I'm going to need to see if I can find another one at the store.
  • I went MIA from the online world for only 2 days, 48 hours, and I had so many blog subscriptions to read, Google Reader couldn't even give me the exact number (it could only say 100+)
  • How do you keep important messages from church in your long term memory when so many other things are fighting to get in there as well.
  • My Hailey Bean said my name today! Really well! Amber called me and told me Hailey was saying it all day. (Amazingly perfect I might add - she isn't even two yet!) And then she got her to say it over the phone to me. Even though I heard my name over ten times, every time made a huge smile form on my face and a giggle spilt out too.
  • I wonder how amazing it will be to be called "Momma" some day for the very first time. I bet I'll cry. I tend to do that after all.
  • I love Anytime Fitness. Just so you know, in case you forgot from previous posts.
  • I made some killer Lasagna tonight! I may not be comfortable enough in the kitchen to get ultra creative, but I can still cook! My mom completely stuffed herself to the point of being uncomfortable. The plan was to freeze most of it for lunches later, but I don't know if it is going to last that long.
  • The lady at the grocery check-out line ticked me off. She practically tossed all my purchases on the conveyor belt - including my bruisable produce! When a store's brand is customer service, and then their employees fail to uphold that brand, something needs to change. Or by golly I may just end up at the cheaper store instead.
  • I can't believe I think in terms of "brands" now.
  • Earlier tonight, Lindsey and I talked for a good ten minutes about qualities of websites and how she can't believe how many large church websites are so un-user friendly. I could have talked longer. Scary.
  • My OCD has finally been well placed - works out great for the job I'm in! I'm good at it, and as much as I hate to admit it, I like it too! Eek!
  • After feeling God had been silent, I started praying for Him to speak to me if He needed to say something, and if I needed to hear something. He took me seriously and hasn't shut up since :) And I wouldn't want it any other way.
  • I'm really tired, and should go to bed since I am getting up early to hit the gym...yet...I am so into this book I am reading I am not sure if I want to. Sleep vs good book. That is always a hard choice for me to make.

Blew Me Away

Last night at New Community Dr. Bob completely blew me away! In my opinion that was one of his best. It was so real, so raw, so honest - - knowing everyone has been through pain, through betrayals, through suffering. And most of the time now understanding how God could allow this to happen. If you didn't see it last night, go watch it. I already watched it again today.

There were so many amazing things that were noteworthy last night, so here is an overview of what I actually was able to write down fast enough!

  • God doesn't want us to jump over the valleys.

  • Butterflies have to make their own way out of their cocoon. Without the struggle, there are no wings.

  • Pain it here to stay - we have got to deal with it together.

  • We do everything we can to avoid the valleys, but we need to experience them in order to get stronger, to grow character.

  • Sometimes what looks like the best thing that can happen to a person, can be the worst thing.

  • God does not allow suffering. He allows our free will.

  • We're the reason there's not enough love in the world! Some things we do to ourselves; some things we do to others

  • Our respons to what happens to us is more important than what happens to us.

  • God knows every bird that falls to the ground; He doesn't always prevent the fall.

  • Sometimes the pain makes us crazy - look at Job.

  • God understands the doubt born of sorrow

  • "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. If you can't get up, you won't" Antoinette Bosco

  • "Storms always pass...don't they dad"

  • One person's experience drives them to bless God, and the exact experience for someone else drives them to curse God

  • Where there is great opportunity for love, there is great opportunity for hurt.

  • Only someone you love can betray you.

  • Psalm 38 - God is close to the broken-hearted

  • God never wastes my pain! I do, but He doesn't! Every evil is redeemed.

  • God is close to those who are suffering

  • Judas and Peter both had similar downfalls - they both screwed up and betrayed Jesus, but you can tell how they responded differently by how they are seen through history. No one names their child Judas, many people name their child Peter

Even typing these now still hits me. How I hope I am able to remember these things when I am in the valley again. If you see me in the valley, remind me there is hope.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Going MIA

I am going to be going MIA from the online world for a short while, with the exception of email and what is required for my job :) No worries...all is well...

In Awe

God has been doing some crazy things in my life lately. Crazy as in good. I'm seeing and understanding things on a completely different level that I hardly knew existed. And I am in total awe.

Yes I have been right here as a direct witness to it, but it still leaves me baffled. What a powerful and loving God! I am seeing a larger glimpse of how mighty and merciful and loving He truly is. And yet still that is all that it is...a glimpse.

Then tonight driving home I was praying intently (no worries I was still focused enough on my driving!) when I glanced up and saw the moon in all its glory. It was huge and bright and beautiful. The clouds were moving slowly in front of it but yet it still showed through. And then I noticed a second set of clouds that were much farther away from us but seemed very close to the moon. Not really moving, seemingly stagnant. It hit me how powerful God truly is. He created all of this - and He was brilliant enough to even come up with different levels of clouds! How complex and awe-some it seemed to me.

Which turned my prayers into praise and humble adoration. It's hard to fathom that a God that big and that powerful could possibly care about every human being on the planet. That He could possibly care enough about each and every person to fight for them. Even when we are like the clouds - seemingly stagnant.

I am truly in awe of His love for me. And even when I don't deserve it, He willingly gives it. And yet at some times in my life I push Him away, I ignore Him, I refuse to do as He requests. I have even chosen to take my trust in Him away. And yet, after all that I have done to Him, He's still there. Watching out for me, protecting me, loving me. Who could ask for a better gift.


I "stole this" from this guy who "stole" it from this guy. It was so amazing I just had to re-post it. Talk about something hitting you right where you are...

Exodus 3:13,14
Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they aske me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"
God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'"

I need help.

I need hope.

Who could possibly be smart enough to figure this out?

What works?

What lasts

What's the latest thing?

What's the hippest thing?

I need a fresh start.

I need a bigger story.

Nothing is real anymore.

Who can I trust?

I'm not sure who's on my team?

Nobody's listening to me.

I don't have a prayer.

I can't hold on.

I'm pouring into others, who's pouring in to me?

I'm not sure why I'm here.

I've given all I can give and it's not enough.

I'm tired.

I quit!

I can't!

I need a drink.

I need a fix.

I need a lover.

Somebody just hold me.

compliments of Giglio

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Late Night Thoughts

* Does anyone really make a mascara that doesn't at some point flake?
* Why would anyone join a gym that wasn't 24 hour access? Yes, I am spoiled.
* Why do people take the easy road out that only leads to pain?
* Why do people not fight for their marriage?
* How do you keep your self-preservation mechanism under control?
* It is so frustrating after hearing God's voice regularly for Him to suddenly be silent.
* It's so not fair that it takes months of working out to get where you are, and only two weeks to lose it.
* I have some deep relationships that I can't live without - how do others survive without ever going deep?
* One of my close friends and I are talking about breaking out of our christian bubble - pray that we find the place we are meant to serve
* I haven't been able to read my bible lately. Thursday's New Community got me fired up again. It's been too long and I'm glad I'm back.
* I want Lasik someday.

Random I know...but that is who I am.

Monday, August 20, 2007


Tonight I had the privilege of attending a meeting for the August ’07 India team to de-compress after their trip. They wanted our opinions of “alumni” to help the team sort out what all they experienced. If you have never been on a mission trip to an extreme area this may seem unnecessary – but I can tell you the things I saw and experienced in India are hard to deal with. To be perfectly honest I am still finding myself processing a year later. I don’t know for a fact that I will ever be completely done – but in a way, I feel as if that keeps me from completely falling back into my old ways of life.

There is however one thing about India that crosses my mind regularly – that pulls on my heart – that often causes me to tear up. And that thing is a little boy named David. He was seven months old when I met him last year. We were told he had an older sibling that died of kidney failure when he was David’s age – and David had kidney problems as well. He wasn’t expected to live more than a few weeks or months. And every time I see his face in my mind my heart hurts. It hurts to think that he is most likely no longer with his mother and sister, both of whom we met. It’s hard to know that if he was born in a different family, region or country, that there is a very good possibility that he would still be alive today. It’s hard to think about the injustice of children dying. It’s hard to think of his mother and the pain she must have experienced losing two kids. Yet she is a Christian and is following God.

I think I know why God sent me to that village on the other side of the world to meet David – because He knew David’s face would be permanently engrained in my mind. That as time passes, that image will not. I have a passion for the hurting and David’s face keeps me focused. He keeps me in check. He spurs me on.

A seven month old child from a small village in India.

His life was obviously not without purpose.

Maybe that’s what God’s plan was all along.

[David and Shelley - one of the rare moments where he wasn't smiling]

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Yep, I know her...

One of my amazing friends recently posted a blog - her words left me in awe. It spoke the words that many feel but never form themselves.

Since many of you may not be privy to be her friend on facebook, I decided to "steal" her words to share them with all of you. Check it out and see what I mean :

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, surrounded by many, yet feeling alone and i'm wondering... what things in life are truely worth the risk? I take risks every day.
I risk being late every time i hit my snooze button.
I risk getting a ticket every time i speed.
I risk burning my mouth every time i take a sip of coffee.
I risk falling every time i wear high heels.
But what's really so risky about these things? So what? I could be late, get a speeding ticket, lose some taste buds, fall on my face or all of these things in the same day and there really isn't going to be that much damage.
Then there are the things that seem really risky... too risky.
Telling someone you love something ugly about yourself.
Trusting someone you want to love.
Trusting someone in general.
Loving someone in general.
Allowing yourself to be known well enough to be truly loved by someone.
So what heppens if i continue fearing things like love, trust and being known? I guess i'm not really sure. I do think that a life w/o risk is a life not worth living. And i don't be the i-didn't-brush-my-teeth-last-night kind of risk. I mean the i-could-get-my-heart-ripped-out-again kind of risk, or the i-may-die-trying-this kind of risk. Doesn't the size of the risk say something about the size of the possible pay off?
Anyway, i guess i'm just deciding to risk again. Maybe that means trust, maybe that means love or maybe that means letting myself be known. Whatever it is, i think i can feel it coming... i'm not sure i'm ready, but i'm not going to run.

Friday, August 17, 2007


I got this is in an email today. It's something we all need to remember.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

It's time.

Well, the time has come. I've been slacking. There is a blog post dying to be written, but I have been waiting. But the time to blog is here.

There's something going on. What is it you may ask? No, I do not look at naughty websites at work. But some people out there do. And now there is

Once again Granger put up billboards around town that leads you back to an interactive site where you can go to vent your frustrations from work, or read other people's confessions. Some make you nod your head, some make you cring, and some just flat out make you laugh. Want to see a few of the billboards? Well, Tim Stevens posted a few of the pictures here. Or check out the desktop backgrounds on the site - let's just say they are pretty darn similar.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


I just saw this video on Corey's blog - he heard this song randomly while listening to Saving Jane's CD and being the video guy, he made one. It's short - just over two minutes - but very moving. I think it may be my new favorite video he has made.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Cracks me up...

As I was doing a click glance over my Google Reader subscriptions, I came across this. I stopped, scrolled back up, and started reading closer. Completely cracked me up. Worth the two minutes to read. (Stolen from Clayton Bell's blog)

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse, without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m . traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Small glimpses of heaven

I have been so busy lately I haven't been able to clean as much as I would have liked to. So this afternoon I put the ipod on shuffle and attacked everything head on. And I was rewarded.

I found a $20 Starbucks gift card I forgot even existed.

Does life get any better???

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Looking Out for Number One

I don't spend a lot of time watching tv. And when I do it is select few favorites.

To be perfectly honest, I tune in mainly to veg. I don't ever go into it expecting to get hit hard with some deep thought that changes my life. I guess that's why a few weeks ago I was floored by an idea brought about in a fictional tv show.

Have you ever thought about...

That what may be the easiest for you, often ends up deeply hurting the ones you love?
That the pain you inflict will in turn hurt your relationships? Hurt you?

When we are in self-preservation mode we don't often think about how our choices are effecting the people we love the most. We tend to forget that just because it is easier on ourselves, doesn't mean that it isn't hurting others around us.

I've been on both sides. I have hurt relationships because I was too concerned on taking the easy way out. And I have been hurt deeply been someone looking out for themselves first. It always takes it's toll on the relationship.

In the end, is it worth it?

Sugarcoating life

"Hey, how are you?"

How often have we all heard this greeting and responded generically "I'm good, how are you?" when in reality you are not good. Things have not been going your way, life has not been easy, everything is falling apart around you and yet you give the impression that everything is peachy-keen.

Lots of times I am sure.

But how often have you responded to God the same generic way. Sugarcoating what is going on in your life and inside of you. Just giving him a small piece of truth, instead of the whole mess of stuff. As if we don't think he can "handle" it - that he can't handle hearing the whole truth. That he doesn't want to know the depth of the pain going on inside of you. That if you let him in completely you will become so vulnerable that you won't be able to go back.

So we sugarcoat.

Myself included.

Over the last few weeks my life has been a roller coaster. Filled with struggles and triumphs. Pain and happiness. Fear and strength. It's been a thrill ride I would have rather have lived without. If I wanted that much up and down, throw around in my life I would have headed to Cedar Point.

I felt as if God was distant. Sure I had moments where I could see or feel Him again, but overall, I felt left out in the cold. Wondering where God was. Why I wasn't hearing his voice. Why I had no clarity. I had no clue and I was hurting.

One night this week as I was lying in bed looking up at the ceiling I started praying as usual. Only this time something shifted in me. I needed to let him in on how much I was hurting. I needed to let down my facade of strength. I needed to give him the pure, non-sugarcoated version of what I was feeling inside. I was tired and couldn't be strong anymore.

So I told him what was going on inside. I let him in on my pain, my fears - no matter how dumb I thought they were. I told him everything.

The following night at church it all shifted. Through our guest speaker Mark Batterson and the worship songs we sang, God addressed all my pain and my fear. I could hear His voice again - and I just knew. He was waiting for me to be real with him. He knew I wouldn't be ready to listen until I made myself completely vulnerable to him. And once I did, he was there, holding me up, never once letting me down.

Looking back I can see now that he was always with me - always nearby - always loving me. Just as a parent does. Waiting for me to turn to him.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Who knows?

This is Hailey yesterday at Hacienda.

Yes that is ranch dressing on her face.

Yes that is a straw she is using to eat the ranch.

No, we did not hog all the chips, causing her to need to use her straw.
She had the straw in one hand and a chip in the other. Who knows what she was thinking.

But she was happy. Messy, but happy.

Friday, August 03, 2007


Big brother kissing his new little sister

Sleepy Baby Carly

Wide Awake Little Girl

Proud Daddy with his little girl.

Mommy, Daddy and Baby Girl

My nephew being a great big brother already!

I think they look alike :)

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Great News Update:

My niece's name is Carly Jane.

She was 7 lbs. and 20 inches long. Mommy and Baby Carly are doing great :)

Great News...

I have a new niece!!

My sister-in-law gave birth an hour ago in Indy.

They haven't chosen a name yet and I am impatiently awaiting pictures and more information :)

Anyone up for a roadtrip to Indy???