Sunday, December 31, 2006

The calm of morning

If you have known me for more than a few minutes, you know that I am not a morning person. I hate having to get up out of my warm bed - given the chance, I will go back to bed at any time. Only recently did I start to contemplate why.

As a child I was a morning person. I liked to get up early and go walking (or in my case running) with dad. Didn't matter what time it was, I would get up and love it! I wouldn't even be tired later that day. I think my transition to a night person came with the high school/college years. All my friends stayed up extremely late and over time I too was able to stay up later and later.

In more recent years I think my night tendencies drew from two things. One - I am too social for my own darn good and I love spending time with people, so I tend to stay out later than I should to be with them. And two - I enjoy the quiet and peacefulness of the night. My house very rarely is silent. Very rarely do I get to sit and enjoy being by myself. I have just naturally changed my habits over time so that I go to bed later than everyone else so I can enjoy time doing whatever I want to do. I love this time I have. The only problem is that normally I am so tired and wornout after my day that all I do is veg. Occasionally I will read, but normally not something that requires too much thinking.

Only this morning did I discover the calmness of morning.

Due to circumstances out of my control, I had to get up early. (or in other words there was a little dog waiting for me to drive over and save his little bladder and fill his never-ending tummy) Hearing my alarm go off after only 5 hours of sleep most definitely did not thrill me. But I pulled myself up, brushed my teeth and headed out to my car on this rainy morning. In my eyes it was not shaping up to be a top notch day. But something changed during the 15 minute drive. I noticed how peaceful everything was. I started seeing God in the morning. I started talking to God in the morning, truly talking. I started to see what I had taken for granted. The calm of the morning that comes just as the calm of night does. Only this time, I wasn't worn out from my day. I didn't want to "veg". I wanted to be with God.

And this morning I was.

For the first time in a long time I was truly, completely with God. And I heard Him take a sigh of relief that I was finally in tune to his quiet call on my life.

Things have changed in the last two hours as others have been sleeping. Boy have things been changing...

Friday, December 29, 2006


The last few days have been filled with thinking, contemplating, questiong and flat out ignoring. While that may sound like an odd combination on paper (or webpage), in reality I believe most of us do this quite often. I find myself thinking sometimes and then choosing to flat out ignore what I don't want to hear. I call it selective thinking.

For one example - a few weeks ago I started reading the book In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. Its a book about fear. Part of me didn't want to read it at all because it talks extensively about facing your fears, and going after the risks. I am not one who likes to do so. I actually put it down on multiple occasions because it was hard for me to read. The words on the page frightened me enough. But yesterday and today I started reading again. This time truly thinking about the things I didn't want to deal with. And I learned a lot about myself that I don't like. A few things I knew already and thought I had dealt with, but hadn't. Things in my past and past relationships had instilled fear in me - the self-preservation mode that I have lived in for so many years. The steps I had taken were not nearly drastic enough. And I realized that I need to learn to fully trust God. How, I don't know. God and I are working on that. I just know that I am tired of living this way. This is not the person I want to be.

Its ironic how I can look behind me and see how far I have come, even in the last year, but then I look ahead and see how far I have to go still. And I need to remember that I am never going to be perfect. And thats okay.

Thursday, December 21, 2006


The following takes place between 11:58 p.m. and 12 a.m. on Dec. 24

Would you expect anything less than me, the 24 addict!?!?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Yes, I am now a victim as well

The last few weeks sickness has been running rampant all around me! Multiple people have had colds, flu and stomach issues. I had been able to sneak past with only a few tiny symptoms. The keyword in that sentence is "had".

Yesterday I got hit.

My throat got all scratchy, I couldn't breathe and my head hurt like I had been hit by a monsterous size truck (and not the good kind I like either!) I kept trying to tell myself I wasn't getting sick and I started taking large amounts of Vitamin C, echinacea and green tea supplements. Honestly, if I had the option, I would have gone home sick from work. I wasn't productive at all. Unfortunately there was no way that could happen.

I finally admitted I must be getting sick when at 815 last night I decided to go to bed. This wouldn't seem abnormal except I am a 26 year old, not an 86 year old! This was atleast 3 hours before my normal bedtime. I downed some nyquil, turned my cell phone off after it woke me up once (I never turn my cell off at night) and slept until 8. The plan was to get up at 700 and workout since I didn't feel good enough to do it last night, only when morning came I felt worse and made the executive decision that my body needed the extra hour sleep. I can't remember the last time I had nearly 12 hours of sleep.

I still feel the urge to curl up with a blanket and hide from the world til this passes. Unfortunately, once again, going home sick from work is not an option (why I get sick when I don't have the option to be sick shows the irony of my life). So here I am, stuffing myself full of vitamins, trying to avoid going to the drug store and getting real drugs, in hopes that I can fight this off myself. Meanwhile, my working out has gone by the wayside. Hopefully I will be up for it tonight.

I hate being sick.

Although this year is better than last when I got laryngitis and couldn't talk at all. Talk about devastating! To read exactly how I felt, here's a link to my post last year! Irony once again is that it was one year ago yesterday that I lost my voice and yesterday is when I got sick.. BLAH!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Thursday, December 14, 2006

My motivation

Many people have asked me what my motivation was for changing my lifestyle. There have been many factors, and the following are just a few....

- The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight and get in shape. I don't want to wait any longer.

- I have cute smaller clothes I can't wear anymore.

- I used to be thinner and want to be that person, minus another size or two...

- My sister has finally started changing her eating and working out, making it a lot easier to eat healthier at home. If there isn't any junk to eat when temptation hits, I'm less likely to stumble.

- I hear all the time about childhood obesity. I figure if I change my whole lifestyle now, someday when I have children they will have the same healthy eating habits that I have. I want my future children to have a chance in this fast food world.

- I feel so much better!

And lastly...whenever I need added motivation as to why I want to workout and eat healthier, I look at old pictures of myself....and this is my motivation:

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Lighter note...

On a more lite, random note...

I have been changing my lifestyle lately. The last 6 weeks I have completely changed my diet and have been working out practically everyday. I feel great! And I have finally started seeing differences in how my clothes fit (I've lost close to 2 inches around my hips!!) and my confidence level is much higher! Anyway, I have decided that this time it is not a "diet" This is a lifestyle change. I plan on continuing to eat this way and workout for the rest of my life. I have never had more energy or felt healthier before! I can't believe I am going to admit this, but I LOVE zucchini. So far there are three ways I have fixed it recently that I find myself CRAVING on a regular basis! Who woulda thunk a chocolate junky craving zucchini!?!

Well, today I noticed when I got slightly more dressed up for work than my outfit of late (khakis and such) that my dress pants are bigger now. So anyway, I am dressed all cute and stuff...I got an adorable new haircut last night...and....

I just got checked out by a very attractive guy in the lab! For once someone who is not completely freaky checked me out! YEAH!

Now if I could just make the freaky, creepy, obsessive ones leave me alone...

Little Happy Snippets...

I am happy.

Really happy.

The last few weeks God has really been doing a makeover in my life. I have been questioning in tons, struggling through many and suffering with some. But at the end of that period, I am a better, stronger person for having experienced it and traveling through. I have learned to be more dependent on God and less afraid to give up my independence.

The major step for me happened Monday night at Merge. Jason was gave everyone the opportunity to write down what we needed to let God have and to place it at the cross. After having coffee and discussion the day before about many things that I have been struggling through, I knew immediately that this was God's way of opening his arms up to me once again. He made it so easy for me to just let go, give up control, and run into his arms.

It's funny how God often appears right when you need Him to... only sometimes we are so wrapped up in ourselves we miss his oh-so-gentle tap. I'm glad this time I didnt miss it...

Christmas Letter From God

**Jeanna's sidenote - I got this from an amazing woman's blog, who got it from her dad. It really made me stop and think and I had to share it with everyone here **

Dear Children,

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of you're predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival; although, I do appreciate being remembered anytime.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth just, GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on.

If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can and may remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching that explains who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks are. If you have forgot that one, look at John 15:1-8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it.

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing George W. complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile it could make the difference. Also, you might consider supporting the local Hot-Line: they talk with people like that every day.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families.

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary, especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name. You may already know someone like that.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them (and I suspect you don't) buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Marines, the Salvation Army or some other charity that believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

P.S. Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those you love and, remember, I LOVE YOU.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Whacked Upside the Head

Sometimes when you pray for an answer or guidance, God surprises you by smacking you upside the head with the answer. I take this as his way of making sure he is coming across loud and clear - especially when I should already know the answer.
This happened on a whole new level for me on Tuesday.
Tuesday was a bad day at work. It was a horrible morning. Things started falling apart and I was feeling hopeless.
So as I was washing my hands in the bathroom I started talking to God. I just told him I knew I needed to have faith in him, but that I couldnt right then and he needed to help me. Then I headed back to my desk. A few minutes later I was messing around online, and checked my email. I am subsribed to the Mutts comic strip that gets emailed to me every day. Granted they are about two weeks behind before they get emailed, but I still love to read them everyday. I opened up the comic for about a whap upside the head...

I literally stopped and just stared at the computer screen. This was a completely different Mutts comic than EVER before and here it was practically yelling at me that I need to be thankful in all circumstances. Then God proceeded to do something that completely amazed me at that time....He blessed me.
I had just finished filling out a Christmas Survey, filling in my favorite all time Christmas song as Winter Wonderland. Now I know this is a random song to choose, but it means more to me than any other song. When my sister and I were little my dad would awake us the first morning it snowed by singing Winter Wonderland. I loved it. I always looked forward to the first snow because I knew he would be singing. Then as I got older, and my parents got divorced, he would always call on the first snow and sing. Even now, with him in Florida, if he sees its snowing online, he calls. Or I will call him and he will sing. It always makes me smile and giggle when he sings to me. Well, after I had filled out this survey, I hopped on myspace and checked out Stephanies profile. Only to hear my favorite song playing. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Ironically, two days later, the song was deleted from the artists myspace. It was there when I needed it, and then it was gone.
Then yesterday, when my day before's Mutts comic came into my inbox...look at what I saw...

And then this morning look at yesterday's and today's comics...

Obviously God got his point across. Quite vividly...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Highlight, copy, and paste (not forward or reply) and change my answers to your answers, AND POST INTO A NEW BULLETIN!!! Enjoy!! Everyone has time for a few moments of fun! Don't be a scrooge!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Dark Chocolate Hot Chocolate with the occasional glass of eggnog

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
He wraps most of them but leaves one thing unwrapped with my name card on it

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
White - our tree has so many different colors from ornaments that the white looks nicer

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nope, used to when I was a kid

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Normally the weekend after Thanksgiving, but this year hopefully tonight and tomorrow night (I just couldnt get motivated when it was 60 degrees outside!)

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Spinach Dip in Hawaiian bread

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
My sister and I staying up late making Christmas cards for our parents by flashlight on a little table in my room, OR My sister and I getting up early and just sitting and looking at the tree all lit up waiting until we could get my parents up

8. When did you learn the truth there was no Santa?
I saw a present in my mom's closet and then on Christmas it said it was from Santa. (I also set out to figure it out by setting out a ton of Christmas cookies, more than I knew my parents could ever eat, and then counting how many were left in the container in case any of them would reappear there)

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
When I was a kid we had Christmas with my Grandma and Grandpa Miller on Christmas Eve, but we open all gifts on Christmas now.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
With white lights and all the ornaments we have collected over the years. I love unwrapping them and remembering some I have forgotten about...

11. Snow..Love it or Dread it?
Love it right now! Its so beautiful! Will probably dread it come January or February

12. Can you ice skate?

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
My cabbage patch kid doll

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Pecan Pie or our homemade cookies!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Waking up and opening gifts in pjs

17. What tops your tree?
An angel we have had since we were little

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?
I love finding the perfect gift and seeing someone's face as the open it - its the best!

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Winter Wonderland - my dad used to sing it to us as kids on the first snow. Now either he calls, or I call him, and he still sings to me :)

20. Candy Canes..yuck or yummy?
Yummy for a few minutes

21. Fave Christmas Movie?
Original Grinch

Reality Bites

I'm depressed. The two women I work with are depressed. It's a very depressing day here.

Things lately at work have gone from bad to worse. Just when you think people could not be any more insensitive or just down right horrible, they surprise you - they top themselves and reach to whole new levels of crappiness.

I'm having trouble working.

I'm having trouble even enjoying my break.

I'm praying for a miracle. Just one. Although the miracle I am hoping for would have to be a big one...

Please pray for me. Please pray for my coworkers. Please pray for a miracle.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Change of Heart

When I was a kid I LOVED snow! I loved everything about it!

Somewhere along the line I turned cynical about snow. Last year I started to see snow for the beautiful thing it was, and although I still loved playing in the snow, only occasionally did I truly enjoy snow.

This year things have changed.

A few weeks ago I was chatting with my friend who is from Indiana, but is living in California. And something he said really stuck with me. He said he misses frost, scraping off his car, snow, all of the winter things we all tend to despise. All the things that he doesn't have in California.

It really made me stop and think - wow this should be a blessing to me. Even though snow frustrated me, the thought of living somewhere else without the seasons changing, without the temperature changing, without snow or cold for Christmas. I don't think I could live like that.

So I really started thinking and questioning...why had I become so pessimistic about snow and frost...I love nature, I connect to God through nature. And it suddenly hit me.

Last year God kept sending little moments - snippets - of the beauty he was trying to bless me with in the form of winter. One day last winter I was walking into Meijer with a friend and I happened to look up at the falling snow. It was absolutely beautiful how the light was coming through the flakes and gently falling on my face. Or one wintry morning when I saw a child catching snowflakes on his tongue.

This year I finally got "me" back. Last week I was actually broken hearted that the predicted snow didn't come. I missed it like I did as a child. And everyone thought I was crazy. Only this time, I didn't care. I wanted snow.

And this weekend it came :) And it was absolutely beautiful.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

More about ME!

100 Things You Didn't Want to Know About Me..

1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
I can't even remember...

2. Do you follow college football?
Only ND baby!

3. How many miles does your car have on it?
A lot

4. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
I think Tara

5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
This summer Amber, Hailey and I went swimming. She was too cute!

6. Are you happy?
Most of the time

7. Where's the last place you went shopping?

8. How do you feel about your hair?
Ready for a change...hmm...what color...what style...hmmm...

10. Last thing you ate?
I splurged and had Chinese food. It wouldn't have been too unhealthy except I really wanted Crab Rangoon. Tasted good. Now its sitting in a pit in my stomach, blah!

11. Do you wish you were someplace else right now?
Yup...I'm at work so I wish I was pretty much anywhere else...

12. Least favorite ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
Let's not go there...

13. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
If my grandmother's pearls count, yes.

14. AIM or MSN?

15. What classes are you taking?
None, but I teach some computer ones at work

16. How many hours on average do you work a week:

17. What is your favorite brand of makeup?:
Perscriptives when I can afford it

18. Favorite NFL team?
Da BEARS!!!!!!

19. Do you watch the Olympics?

20. Last bar you went to?
No clue

21. Who was the last person to call you?
Some number I dont recognize...

22. What's your sign?

23. Do you have a favorite number?
3, 7 or 37

24. Last time you did volunteer work or made any donations?

25. What do you spend the majority of your money on?
Paying off my debt and bills

26. Where does most of your family live?
All over the freakin place! Very extended family though mainly in Indiana

27. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
A brother and a sister

28. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?

29. Ever been called a bitch?

30. Got any guilty pleasures?
Yes I do...put them together and I get the giggles, hehe

31. Do you drink beer?
NO! yuck!

32. Have you ever experienced love?
Depends on which type of love...

33. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?

34. Ever ordered anything online?
Heck yeah. is very addicting!

35. Myspace or Facebook?
Myspace because I can change so much on it all the time!

36. Do you have T-Mobile?

37. What was your favorite subject?

38. What are you doing tonight?
Serving in the Jungle Room and going to the first in the U2 series at church!

39. Do you usually fall for the "bad boys"?
Went through a short phase...thank goodness that's passed

40. Were you an outcast in high school?
No...I was in the "middle" range

41. Last time you saw your parents?
My mom this morning and my dad over the 4th

42. Do you have any talents?
Probably...I am great with babies and I love kids!

43. Ever been in a wedding?

44. Do you have any children?
Not yet, but someday!

45. Last movie you watched?
Part of the Polar Express

46. Are you missing anyone at the moment?

47. Did you take a nap today?
No :(

48. What was your high school's mascot?

49. Ever been on a cruise?
Nope - someday I hope!

50. Favorite vacation spot?
Where people I love are...added bonus if the scenery is beautiful! I definitely have to see more of the Grand Canyon sometime!

51. How many pets do you have?
None right now :(

52. Do you have any wealthy friends?

53. Ever meet anyone famous?

54. Favorite actress?
Sandra Bullock

56. Are you multi-tasking right now?
Actually, no for once I'm not

57. Could you handle being in the military?
Heck no

59. Favorite fast food restaurant?

60. Do you have any grandparents still alive?
One grandma

61. What is your average cell phone bill?

64. Do you believe in Karma?

65 Can you speak any other languages?
A few words of Spanish and I used to know some Japanese...if you dont use it you lose it though!

66. Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
I worked out this morning...and boy does it hurt to go down the stairs now! No Pain No Gain!

67. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
No clue. Not enough :)

68. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use?

69. Last place you drove your car:
To work just now

70. What is your college mascot?

71. Ever been to Las Vegas?
Nope, someday!

72. Nicest Hotel you ever stayed in?
Hyatt in Baltimore years ago

74. How much money did you make today?
No clue

75. What do you think is your best feature?
I have heard I have a great smile - but I never see it since I can't smile for cameras (I'm getting better though!)

76. Have you ever been gambling?
My uncle gave me a dollar a few years ago at the casino where we ate dinner. I played the Sea World slot machine. I got zilch!

77. How old are your parents? their 50's (I dont really feel like doing mental math right now!)

78. When is the last time you updated your blog?
No idea

79. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
Nope - they are long gone and it was a horrible experience!

80. Best chapstick?
I like the pretty colored ones!

81. Have you been to New York City?
Nope, someday!

82. Favorite sit down restaurant?
Probably Hana Yori or Papa Vino's

83. Ever been to Disney?
yup when I was a kid

84. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Probably, but I can't think of which one right now!

85. Last thing you cooked?
I made my lunch for work this morning

86. How was the weather today?
Cold but there is snow now!!!

87. Do you e-mail?

88. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
Probably a card from Laura

89. Favorite store?
Kohl's or Target

90. Handbags, Shoes, or Sunglasses?

91. Last voicemail you received?

92. Do you drunk dial?
Since I dont get drunk anymore, No.

93. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Dropped it right after I got it

94. What is the best city in the state that you have lived in?
No clue

95. Favorite band?
Rascal Flatts or David Crowder Band

96. Last time you were sick?
I've had a slight cold for a while now

97. Are you bored right now?

98. Last show you attended?
Does GCC count?

99. Do you watch reality tv?
Yup - I love the Biggest Loser (thats the only one I watch though!)

100. What are your plans for tomorrow?
Work, workout, decorate for Christmas, watch Gilmore Girls!