Thursday, June 28, 2007


Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. Not much talking, but lots of thinking. A few weeks back I realized something about myself. Something I knew was always there, but chose not to acknowledge. After some tears and chats with God, I was finally able to process and accept what I was feeling. Since that late night I have thought about it often, but have yet to share my burden with anyone. And as much as I hate to admit it, I haven’t taken any steps in the right direction since. Then New Community came tonight.

If you would have told me going in to the service that God would bring it back up, I would have said you were crazy. The service was about worship. But somehow, during the service, Jason spoke the exact words I had been feeling. The rest of the service was about community. And I realized I can’t ignore this. God wants me to deal with it. And He’ll be there to help me, I just need to ask.

Monday, June 11, 2007


Once again it has been longer than I like since I have posted a blog. Now this isn't for a lack of topics - I am constantly having things pop in my head I want to blog about, but more of a lack of time to post or to process fully my thoughts. The following has been brewing inside my head for almost a month now...

When I started my new job my team had just started reading a book on discovering your strengths. We all read on our own, took a strength evaluation quiz and discussed what the outcome of our quizzes. At first I didn't agree with the top five strengths this online quiz said I supposedly had. I just thought it was another quiz that tries to tell me who I am when they don't even know me. The funny thing though is that weeks after processing my top five strengths according to this quiz, and reading real life examples of this strengths in use, I really am my top five. I won't bother with the technical terms for the strengths that you won't understand, but two of the five had the same recurring theme. Helping others.

I love to help others. I love to be able to relieve stress people feel or just to do something nice for someone for no reason at all. I have been a helper-at-heart for as long as I can remember. It suits me. It is me. But what I have come to realize is that my strengths can also be my biggest weakness.

Last week one of my friends and I were discussing this strength of helping others, seeing the potential in others and encouraging them. She brought up a very good point - this strength can easily turn into a weakness. The weakness of seeing people with rose-colored glasses. Seeing only the potential in people and not seeing the real person behind it. This tends to happen the most in dating. The "oh but he has so much potential, I can help him become the man he is meant to be" syndrome. The "he just needs someone to care and to encourage him" disease. As much as I hate to admit it, I have been there before. Many times.

Over time though I have learned from my past mistakes. Many-a-broken heart often helps that process along. It just serves as a reminder to me to keep my strengths and my natural tendencies in check.

Too much of a good thing is most often a bad thing.