As I am sitting here thinking about life I realized that while I posted a week or so ago (Nov. 12th to be exact) about the struggles I was going through, I never posted about the amazing thing God did in me that night....
So as a small recap, I had realized that day why I have such a hard time being emotionally weak - the best friend I had through most of high school and college would use my emotionally weak times to build herself up- and I was having a hard time trusting the people around me to be strong for me when I could not be strong for myself any longer. I cried a lot that day, I hate to admit it, but I did. But something was working in me at the same time...once I realized why I couldn't be emotionally weak, I started praying about it...I didn't even know what to pray just that I didn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to trust those around me enough to hold me up when I couldn't any longer. A part of me didn't want to go to church that night for fear of "losing it" in front of everyone but I knew that more than ever I needed to be there that night. I ended up having a lot of fun that night at church (It was the 80's weekend service) but then afterward I kept feeling close to tears. I knew that I still had to tell Jeanie (an amazing woman!) about what was going on with my dad, so with my eyes filling up with tears, Tara and I headed downstairs.
By this point I had told multiple people about my dad and I was able to talk about it without crying...after all I had been through that day, the only words I got out were "Last Sunday my dad almost died" and I lost it....she held me tight as I cried and cried harder than I had yet, and then whispered words of love and support in my ear. I felt a huge release that night as for the first time in years I became completely emotionally weak. And I had trusted someone to hold me up and they did. While I was still emotional for a few more days and occasionally I still am, something inside of me has changed...in a good way....I didn't realize until just as I was typing this, that God answered my prayer in a matter of hours...ask and ye shall receive....
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