It's a heart thing

For the last two weeks I have been meaning to blog about the "whoa", the "wow" the "a-ha" and the "holy geez" moments in my life. As I have just not had the words lately, more and more moments have been compounding - let's just say God has been doing some amazing things in my life and my heart lately.

To go into detail would take way too much of your precious time to read, so instead I am going to do a brief overview...

Over my mini-vacation to Chicago I read a book that is now on my to-buy and highlight list (working at a library allows me the luxury to read the book before purchasing) as it has completely smacked me over the head and left me thinking for weeks now. The irony of this book is that I picked it up not knowing it was a "Christian" book - I assumed it was a "secular" (for lack of a better word) book of opinions on love, sex and dating and I was curious to see what this author had to say about it. If I had known it was a "christian" book with christ-centered ideas I don't know that I would have necessarily picked it up. I wasn't in the mood for "deep". Funny how God had a completely different set of ideas in mind. And thanks to the Big Guy upstairs for outsmarting me again - He knew what I needed more than I did. Shouldn't really surprise me though... for those of you dying to know, its called Undressed: The Naked Truth about Love, Sex, and Dating by Jason Illian. Highly recommend it!

GCC is currently in the Sound Vows series, all about marriage. Amazingly I am learning a lot for not being married :) So many of the things I've heard have changed ME and MY way of thinking, which influences the relationships I am in and my future marriage. Ironically the service I heard the day after I finished Undressed, reiterated some of the very things I had been challenged by reading the book. Which lead me to look up to the sky and utter the words that I know made Abba's day - Got it God. Point taken.

New Community is all about Grace lately - and that too has brought me to many new crossroads and given me some closure on my past. Funny how you can think you have dealt with all your baggage, only to have new baggage resurface that you had hidden so deep inside of you it is like it never existed. There's always baggage to deal with. You just have to keep dealing with it instead of holding on to it tighter.

Then today I was skimming through Corey's blog, as I so often do to get a glimpse of what new movies or books to check out, what strange tidbit he has found on the internet, or what deep thought he has for the day. And I read a posting dedicated to another person's blog, about someone they know. And even though I don't know these people, it hit home. It's all about a man devoted to his calling to God and the woman who supports him - the type of woman I am trying to become and the wife I hope to be someday. It also reminds me of the type of relationship I want and the type of man I want to marry. Read it here, but beware, it'll hit you where it counts the most and the tears might possibly well if not flow. I know it did with me...

Randomness...

So I know that most everyone knows how utterly random I am - and tonight just goes to prove that fact...

Here's why...

I don't normally drink anything with caffeine after 5ish or I am wired until atleast 12 or 1 am. And tonight I had a caffeinated full o'sugar beverage before church! So I am currently loaded with energy! I decided I would come home after church and do my cleaning and organizing so I can enjoy the day tomorrow. I know what you are thinking - thats not THAT random. Oh, but wait, there's more... as I was glancing through the cupboards looking for a snack since I haven't eaten much today, I spotted it. The can of french fried onions. And SUDDENLY I wanted green bean casserole. So what did Jeanna do but pop open the cans, stir the stuff together and pop that puppy in the oven at 1015 at night! And I am patiently awaiting my fresh from the oven treat in approximately 30 minutes. Who does that!?! Who makes green bean casserole at 1015 at night?!?!

Apparently I do.

The Past

This past week God has been trying to get my attention. Out of nowhere I started thinking about someone in my past that I have yet to forgive – truly forgive. This person was someone who hurt me deeper than anything or anyone else ever had and left me feeling like a worthless, shell of a person. Over time I grew from the pain, matured as a person and learned to rely on God for my worth. I am a completely different person today than I was then – I honestly believe that if this person from my past reappeared today and took time to talk with me, they would not even recognize who I have become. It’s truly amazing how the people you chose to surround yourself with influence the person you are becoming. I am truly blessed by my group of friends and my church family…the love I experience every day from them is beyond words. Through them I feel the love of Christ.

But even while growing closer to God and “doing life” with amazing people, I was still harboring anger towards this person from my past. This became extremely apparent to me last week. While a group of us were chatting at GCC, one of my friends saw someone from her past head into church. It was someone who she had a falling out with. It made me stop and think about this person – one of the people I truly would never want to run into at GCC. It bothered me to realize that I didn’t know for sure if I would welcome them and pray for God to reach them. If I had seen them at that moment, a part of me wouldn’t have wanted them there. And that bothered me. A lot. I love GCC – it changed my life and I want others to experience the same love that I did. I knew right then I had some stuff to deal with.

All week it would sporadically pop into my mind. There is a Nooma by Rob Bell all about forgiveness and in it there is one phrase that has stuck with me: To forgive someone is to truly wish them well. Wednesday night I spent an hour wrestling with God over this phrase – knowing I needed to forgive this person – not knowing how. I ended up asking God to help me to forgive them – and that I was finally ready to.

Then Thursday’s New Community came. If you were at the service Thursday, or happen to have caught it online, you already know what the service was about. And are probably, right now as you are reading this, snickering at how God works. Perhaps even remembering how God worked in you during that same service. But for those of you who are currently completely in the dark and utterly confused, I will fill you in…

Our current New Community is all about Grace. Yup, Grace. And you guessed it; this week was all about forgiving those who have hurt us. As Dr. Bob was talking about people who have hurt us, and about loving and forgiving, the person who had hurt me so badly never even came to mind. I think its because I have suppressed it for so long, that is what was comfortable for me. Then out of nowhere – BAM – God used Dr. Bob to whack me upside the head. Dr. Bob started using examples of exactly the way I am in regard to this person – they hurt me, I avoid places where I might possibly run into them, etc. I swear it felt like Dr. Bob was only talking to me. And I knew it was time to forgive. I had prayed for God to help me, and He chose to use Dr. Bob at a New Community.

It’s gone now – I’ve forgiven and can truly say that I wish them well. I’m praying for them and for their future and that perhaps someday they will get to experience the amazing love of God like I have. And I know now that if I happen to run into this person at GCC, I will say hello, welcome them with love as so many people have for me, and thank God for bringing them there.

I love vacations - even mini ones!

I have had a day and a half of laughter and bliss! For those of you unaware, Tara and I are in the wonderful little town of Chicago! I can hear the trains running just on the other side of the hotel as I type. Took a little while to get used to, but apparently it didnt bother me too much because I slept right through them last night. Completely different then home, thats for sure :)
Sorry...lost track of my thoughts for a second...back to the task at hand...blogging...yes blogging. Have you ever had those times when you have been so stressed, and are aware of it, but don't realize the extent of it until you are finally able to wind down and relax? That is where I am at right now. Today I didn't do my hair or make up at all - and it was amazingly freeing!

Today was filled with reading (an absolutely AMAZING book that will be blogged about after I finish it - which will most likely be tonight or tomorrow), napping, watching the news (the Chicago Fox News here that I watched this morning is hilarious! I absolutely loved it and am looking forward to tomorrow morning), working out and just chilling. Tomorrow will include much the same but a trip to the pool shall be included as well :) This has been the recharge I have so desperately needed!

Yesterday included a hilarious road trip - including getting slightly lost more than once and TONS of laughter over all kinds of really dumb things! And the highlight of the day was the trip to IKEA! Being that Tara and I were IKEA virgins, it was so much fun to explore and freak out together! I am completely in love with that store and desperately want one to come to the Michiana area!

Thanks to those of you who texted and called today! I hate feeling disconnected from my loved ones, so it was great to get to chat!

Sorry for the randomness but my brain is happy to be on vacation and I am currently also watching one of my new favorite movies, The Holiday, and chatting with Tara so I am going to end this little piece of rambling - if it doesnt make much sense, read it again while multitasking and maybe it will :)

Heading on out...

...in about 2 hours! Tara and I are roadtripping it to Chicago for her to get training and for me to get ME and GOD time :) YAY! Please pray for a safe trip...and if you feel like calling, feel free :) I should be around most of the time until Monday when I head back to work! hehe...although, I should warn you, there may be times that I am swimming in the pool (hehe) or working out that I will be away from my phone since you know water and phones dont mix and sweat and phones just plain grosses me out!

Random Tidbit

I just noticed that when signing my name I actually skip a letter in my last name.

Wow.

Random.


Don't ask me how I discovered it - you'll most likely laugh a little too much at me...okay...I guess you can ask...just ask nicely...

Obsessed...maybe...

Most people who either know me or read my blog regularly know that I am a fan of the show 24. Okay...maybe thats an understatement. I am a HUGE fan of 24 - some might even say obsessed! The world stops around me for 24! There are actual rules in place at my house during the viewing of 24 (which I must say some people, whose names I will not mention, have been trying to break those rules lately...) What can I say, I LOVE 24! And let me tell you last night's episode is a prime example of exactly why I love this show!

**For those of you who haven't watched it yet and have TiVo'd it or taped it or are planning to watch in online, no worries. I will not give any part of the plot line away in the this post. **

But I have to say there are certain reactions that occur within me that are an excellent way to determine the intensity of the show. As the minutes and hours tick by on that tv clock I love so much the less time I spend in the seated position, the more squeals and yelps fly out of my mouth, and the more jaw dropping and arm pumping begin to occur.

Last night I actually lost track of the number of times I jumped out of my seat, the number of times I vocally expressed myself, and how many times I cheered at the tv. I spent the last 10 minutes standing in front of the tv - like being closer to the tv might possibly alter the events on the screen. If what has held true in the past few seasons, holds true yet again this season, I may well be on my way to a heart attack by the time the show ends...

Way to go 24! Another awesome night last night!

**and as a sidenote - for those of you who did watch it last night, I called it! I knew it! Hehehe**

Obsessed...maybe...

Most people who either know me or read my blog regularly know that I am a fan of the show 24. Okay...maybe thats an understatement. I am a HUGE fan of 24 - some might even say obsessed! The world stops around me for 24! There are actual rules in place at my house during the viewing of 24 (which I must say some people, whose names I will not mention, have been trying to break those rules lately...) What can I say, I LOVE 24! And let me tell you last night's episode is a prime example of exactly why I love this show!

**For those of you who haven't watched it yet and have TiVo'd it or taped it or are planning to watch in online, no worries. I will not give any part of the plot line away in the this post. **

But I have to say there are certain reactions that occur within me that are an excellent way to determine the intensity of the show. As the minutes and hours tick by on that tv clock I love so much the less time I spend in the seated position, the more squeals and yelps fly out of my mouth, and the more jaw dropping and arm pumping begin to occur.

Last night I actually lost track of the number of times I jumped out of my seat, the number of times I vocally expressed myself, and how many times I cheered at the tv. I spent the last 10 minutes standing in front of the tv - like being closer to the tv might possibly alter the events on the screen. If what has held true in the past few seasons, holds true yet again this season, I may well be on my way to a heart attack by the time the show ends...

Way to go 24! Another awesome night last night!

**and as a sidenote - for those of you who did watch it last night, I called it! I knew it! Hehehe**

Merry Christmas...oh...wait...I mean Happy Easter!

I swear Indiana has had some of the craziest weather I have ever experienced in my life lately! A week and a half ago it was 80 degrees outside and I was wearing capris and flip flops. And now its Easter Weekend and (are you sitting down??), its SNOWING! Not just little flakes. Here is what I saw when I looked out the window this morning:

It didn't exactly make me happy at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning....

I think God is slightly confused with His two biggest holidays...

???????

Why am I up?? It is nearly 1 a.m. and here I am, suddenly not tired anymore, playing around on the Internet.

Crazy how practically every night this week I have been wanting to go to bed or take a nap around 8 p.m. and then 11 hits and I am raring to go.

Good thing I have tomorrow off - maybe I can get myself back on track!

Bruchko

I just got done reading one of the most amazing, thought-provoking books I may have possibly ever read. While this may seem extreme to some of you (being that I am quite the reader), trust me. Read the book. I don't know if anyone could walk away from this book unchanged.

Not too long ago Rob was teaching on a Thursday night and had started telling the story of a young missionary in Colombia. He mentioned a book that was this man's story - a book he said was amazing. So naturally, I had to read it.

Maybe my new found favorite book hit me so hard because of my love for India and missions. Maybe it hit me so hard because it took me outside of my comfort zone. Maybe it hit me so hard because I yearn for the kind of trust and faith in God that this guy never seemed to lose. Maybe it hit me so hard because it was someone's story. Maybe it hit me so hard because it all started with a 19 year old. Maybe it hit me so hard because so many things hit home.

Read this book.

It's worth the time.

Just beware, it may open your eyes and change your life.

Here's a glimpse of Bruchko:

"Teenager Bruce Olson set out as a missionary with very little money, no support from a mission agency, and an intense desire to win an previously unreached tribe to Jesus Christ. He was was broke, starving, shot by arrows, tortured, had almost 5 or 6 almost lethal diseases, lived in filth, and only personally led one person to Christ among the tribe that he was called to share the gospel.

But God had called him there, and the result of the one person he led to Christ led to revolution of love among the Indian populations in Colombia. Then he spends his life among Motilone Indians that few white men had ever seen and even fewer had lived to tell about. How God used the simple ministry of this dedicated young Christian to eventually lead seventeen tribes to Jesus is one of the greatest missionary accounts of the century."

In dire need...of a vacation!

I do believe I have been suffering from what some people refer to as burnout. I have been craving a time to relax and just enjoy life and amazingly enough, I am getting two such weekends in this lovely month of April!

One of my friends is going to Chicago for a training next week for a few days and I get to "go along for the ride". It's sad how excited I am about being able to take a few good books that have been patiently waiting for me to crack them open and read them, be able to relax all day, hit the POOL! and the Fitness Center. Who needs activities when you just need some "ME" time.

Then only two short weeks after that I will be heading to Indy to visit my brother, sister-in-law and nephew! I haven't seen them in over a year! Yes, I know, you are wondering how that is possible when they live so close - well - when you don't trust your car, you tend not to travel far. So YAY for my mechanic who has said my car is in good working condition and I get to see my family!! Watch out for the pictures to come - you may be bombarded soon!!

Look out world, Jeanna's on her way to getting recharged!

April is shaping up to be a good month already!!