The Past

This past week God has been trying to get my attention. Out of nowhere I started thinking about someone in my past that I have yet to forgive – truly forgive. This person was someone who hurt me deeper than anything or anyone else ever had and left me feeling like a worthless, shell of a person. Over time I grew from the pain, matured as a person and learned to rely on God for my worth. I am a completely different person today than I was then – I honestly believe that if this person from my past reappeared today and took time to talk with me, they would not even recognize who I have become. It’s truly amazing how the people you chose to surround yourself with influence the person you are becoming. I am truly blessed by my group of friends and my church family…the love I experience every day from them is beyond words. Through them I feel the love of Christ.

But even while growing closer to God and “doing life” with amazing people, I was still harboring anger towards this person from my past. This became extremely apparent to me last week. While a group of us were chatting at GCC, one of my friends saw someone from her past head into church. It was someone who she had a falling out with. It made me stop and think about this person – one of the people I truly would never want to run into at GCC. It bothered me to realize that I didn’t know for sure if I would welcome them and pray for God to reach them. If I had seen them at that moment, a part of me wouldn’t have wanted them there. And that bothered me. A lot. I love GCC – it changed my life and I want others to experience the same love that I did. I knew right then I had some stuff to deal with.

All week it would sporadically pop into my mind. There is a Nooma by Rob Bell all about forgiveness and in it there is one phrase that has stuck with me: To forgive someone is to truly wish them well. Wednesday night I spent an hour wrestling with God over this phrase – knowing I needed to forgive this person – not knowing how. I ended up asking God to help me to forgive them – and that I was finally ready to.

Then Thursday’s New Community came. If you were at the service Thursday, or happen to have caught it online, you already know what the service was about. And are probably, right now as you are reading this, snickering at how God works. Perhaps even remembering how God worked in you during that same service. But for those of you who are currently completely in the dark and utterly confused, I will fill you in…

Our current New Community is all about Grace. Yup, Grace. And you guessed it; this week was all about forgiving those who have hurt us. As Dr. Bob was talking about people who have hurt us, and about loving and forgiving, the person who had hurt me so badly never even came to mind. I think its because I have suppressed it for so long, that is what was comfortable for me. Then out of nowhere – BAM – God used Dr. Bob to whack me upside the head. Dr. Bob started using examples of exactly the way I am in regard to this person – they hurt me, I avoid places where I might possibly run into them, etc. I swear it felt like Dr. Bob was only talking to me. And I knew it was time to forgive. I had prayed for God to help me, and He chose to use Dr. Bob at a New Community.

It’s gone now – I’ve forgiven and can truly say that I wish them well. I’m praying for them and for their future and that perhaps someday they will get to experience the amazing love of God like I have. And I know now that if I happen to run into this person at GCC, I will say hello, welcome them with love as so many people have for me, and thank God for bringing them there.