Risk

I wouldn't say I'm a risk-taker.

If anything for many years I've been a risk-avoider.

I don't think I'm much different than anyone else - we all avoid risk for one main reason: to prevent getting hurt.

Sometimes this is a good thing. Like when you want to jump out of your treehouse as a child or throw flammable objects into a bonfire.

But the risks I tend to avoid the most aren't the ones that leave outward scars or can be healed with a band-aid.

In the last few days I've realized something. While I've deluded myself into thinking I've just been protecting myself, I've actually been hurting myself even more. Ironic isn't it. Over the years my self protection has served me well, but I came to realize that I've also been avoiding risks I should be taking.

I've decided taking risks is like weight lifting. Yes, it's tearing your muscles, and it causes some pain, but you end up stronger in the end. But you have to be smart with who you trust to train you. I could easily do permanent, unhealthy damage to my body if I listen to someone who doesn't know what they are talking about. Quite similar to risk taking. Risks can cause pain, but when you listen to God's guidance on which risks to take, and do so with Him by your side, you'll end up stronger in the end.

Recently God asked me if I trusted Him enough to step out and take a risk. A risk that could possibly invoke some serious pain. I can't say that I jumped right in an obeyed. I didn't. It took Him asking me over and over to realize that no matter the outcome, I needed to trust God, I needed to obey and I needed to let go of my fears. And so I did. Yes, I experienced pain. But I took the risk knowing that is what God was asking of me.

It wasn't like the heavens opened up and host of heavenly angels began singing the Hallelujah Chorus. But it did change me. It made me stronger. It made me lean on God. It made me closer to Him. It made me a better version of me.

And that, to me, made it all worth it.

What risks in your life are you not taking?

Where I'm At...

One of my friends just recently wrote a blog post about her life - oddly enough it expressed exactly where I am at right now as well. So I'm copying it here and giving her some link love. My thoughts follow.

----

Slow down

At the beginning of the school year I set a goal to create some space in my schedule for rest. That hasn't happened much this semester. In fact I had been running so fast and doing so much I couldn't hear myself think.

Last summer a friend of mine pulled me aside and asked how I was REALLY doing? I was so caught off guard I didn't know how to respond. This friend was patient enough to give me some space to answer but the truth was I had no clue. I had been running forward so hard for so long I had never taken the time to think about it. My friend knew this and quickly reminded me how important slowing down to rest is. They were painful words to hear at the time but words that hold truth and love.

A few weeks ago I talked with this friend again and was asked the same question. I stumbled over my words to come up with a quick answer and change the subject as quickly as possible. As I drove home after that conversation I realized how distracted I had become by life. The words of last summer's conversation replayed over and over in my head. Here I was again flying through life without taking time to breathe.

So I started this year's spring break with nothing on my schedule. Since Friday afternoon I haven't done much. I've met a few friends. Spent lots of time just chatting with Jesus and reading. It has been glorious. I'm so glad I started break this way.


I read this today, which is what inspired this post, and thought I would share it.

How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
So merciful, this God of ours!
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
And so I walk in the Lord’s presence
as I live here on earth!
Psalm 116:5-9

-------


I hit a crossroads not long ago - there were two different paths to take. One all about me. One that was not. I needed God more desperately than I have in a long time and in that desperation, chose correctly. I chose to take time to think, pray, read and just listen for God's voice. I chose the quiet over the noise. And I'm finally at a place again where if someone asked how I was doing, truly doing, that I could honestly answer "I'm in a good place right now."

Quote

One of my good friends shared this quote with me. I decided to share it with you all.

----

" Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." ~William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) in Meet Joe Black

Impactful

This weekend at GCC we launched into a series on an often taboo topic - Sex. Most churches refuse to address this topic, we talk openly about it.

A woman from our church told her story via media. I think the honesty and rawness of her words was one of the most impactful parts of the service. Check it out for yourself:



(If you're reading this via facebook, you can view it here)

Captivating

A guy friend on facebook put it out there today that he was looking to borrow the book Captivating by Stasi and John Eldredge. For those of you who aren't aware, it's a book mainly about women, how we're wired and how to be truly captivating. Not exactly a guy kind of book. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge to help me understand more of the inner struggle of males; why shouldn't guys read about the inner struggles of women.

Before offering up my book, I decided to glance through it to make sure there weren't any notes in the margins that I wouldn't want someone else to read. In doing so, I started reading some of the passages I had underlined. There is some great stuff in this book! So, men, here's a sneak peek, and women, trust me, you'll want to read this book too!

- Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

- We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

- If you will listen to carefully to any woman's story, you will hear a theme; the assault on her heart. It might be obvious as in the stories of physical, verbal or sexual abuse. Or it might be more subtle, the indifference of a world that cares nothing for her but uses her until she is drained.

- God invites us to risk trusting him and enter into redemptive friendships with others - to open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt as well as to the possibility of tasting the sweet fruit of companionship. Yet, no matter how wonderful a taste of relational fullness you have, you will want more. If you had an amazing connection yesterday with someone, when you wake this morning, you will want it again. Eve possesses a bottomless well of longing. Jesus alone s the never-ending fount, which can slake her thirst. No other source, no other relationship will fully satisfy. God made us that way. On purpose.

Well, I've been absent from the blog world for a while now. I hope you have all missed me.

Tonight's blog though I cannot take credit for - I'm re-posting one that my amazing and smart friend Sarah wrote. I couldn't word it better myself...

------

"Answer First"

We have some amazing students at GSM! Whether is school, future plans, relationships, Scripture or whatever I love sitting and listening to them share about their journeys. The last few weeks have included several conversations with a few girls about dating and relationships.

It has always amazed me how quickly girls fall for a guy without even getting to know him. A few weeks later her heart is broken because low and behold he wasn't who she thought he was. Duh! You never even stopped to find out who he was. And I'm not just talking about students, girls my age do this.

I'm not going to pretend like I'm an expert in this area. We all know that isn't true but I thought I would share the questions I always encourage girls to answer when they "like a boy." I'm guessing they could be just as helpful for guys. But who I am to know?

1. What is it you like about him/her?
2. How does he/she treat you?
3. How do you see Jesus in him/her?
4. Does he/she point you towards Christ?

Random Jeanna Twitters...

I'm a twitter-er. Some of you may already know that and follow the random happenings and thoughts of my life, others may not. So here's a glance into the things that happen to me and the thoughts that come out of my head from the last few weeks or so...

• If you burn the roof of your mouth, I recommend avoiding mouth wash for a few days. Trust me on this one.
• God always seems to know exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.
• Yesterday was a dress up and look super cute day. Today I'm going for the classic comfortable and lazy look - the hoodie.
• My cousin in AZ is complaining about it being too hot, and I'm complaining about it being too cold. I'm willing to swap!
• I wish I could just close my eyes, imagine a Starbucks on my desk, and have it appear. That would be cool.
• Yes, I did choose my outfit today based on what new jewelry I wanted to wear
• Sometimes it's good to look back at your life and thank God for intervening.
• Some call it "ADD" and consider it a disorder. I call it "multi-tasking" and call it a gift.
• So easily distracted tonight. More so than normal. Scary thought, I know!
• The snooze button is my favorite of the buttons.
• NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• Just discovered you can make rice krispie treats in the microwave. How did I not know this before!?
• My friends know me. A recent email signed with "I hope you have a wonderful day filled with Starbucks and chocolate."
• Apparently I got cold last night - woke up this morning with my ENTIRE body under my down comforter.
• It's a chocolate kind of day. If you saw what was on my to-do list, you'd think so too.
  
• Chocolate. Check. Caffeine. Check. Ipod. Check. Time to tackle the big project on my plate.
  
• Perspective changes everything.
• Sometimes you have to make a conscience choice to be happy. Right now, I'm choosing to be happy.
• Body is starting to ache already from today's workout. Hurt to pull the covers up. May need to be rolled outta bed in the morning
• Paper cut on my pinky. OW! Hurts to use the "Enter" and "Shift" keys
• This morning I am working from the comfort of my warm and cozy bed. Just because I can.
• Cannot seem to find my groove this morning. Feel like an awkward puppy who has yet to grow into its paws.
• I loathe my alarm clock this morning.
• Oh 24 how I have missed you.
• I'm tired of being cold. It's only January. And I live in northern Indiana.
• Massive headache + sinus pressure = bummin it day. Now, where's my huge, comfy, cozy hoodie
• Hello drawer-o-chocolate.
• I believe some foods taste better when eaten with fingers instead of silverware.
• Wait. What's that sound? Oh, it's my bed calling my name. Night all.
• Oh sinuses how I hate thee.
• Need. Caffeine.
• Silk boxer shorts guy is back at the gym. Ug.
• Hoodies and hats - early morning apparel.
• I'm up. And it's early. Enough said.
• I just got asked if I was over 17. Made my whole day.
• I'm currently utilizing seven blankets. Three fleece, one wool in the mix. Yep, I'm weird and always cold.
• I totally just whacked myself in the head with the vacuum attachment. That takes skills.
• I'm wearing my new ND hoodie. My stepbro sitting next to me is wearing Purdue.
• Oh my. Just found a pic of me at 2 1/2, wearing only socks, walking on the kitchen counter.
• 4 things I, w/out fail, lose when I wrap Xmas gifts - the remote to the stereo, scissors, tape and pen. And not just once, multiple times.
• My afternoon thus far: clean, dance, laundry, coffee, dance, clean, twitter. Repeat as necessary.
• After shoveling previous snowfall on drive, am now a Jeanna popsicle. Pardon me while I go thaw
• Discovered a nice note on my keyboard this morning. Included "Don't slip on the ice" - it was a little too late by the time I saw it.
• Hoping to be pleasantly surprised in the morning with good health.
• I have itunes ADD today.
• I just smacked the crap outta my alarm. It felt nice.
• Can't think straight. Can't focus. Need. Coffee. Starbucks. Need Starbucks.