Awakening Moments

The last few days I have thought I was happy - there was a glimmer of something brewing inside but I chose to ignore it and try to focus on being happy...while this can be a good plan sometimes, I discovered this time was not one of those times. The something brewing inside of me grew from a glimmer to an all out overtaking of my soul. So much so that the last 18 hours had me twisted up in knots inside and causing me to spontaneously cry for completely dumb reasons. Only a few minutes ago did I see where I went grossly wrong. I had pointed my feet in the wrong direction.

Let me explain...

This weekend something happened that really, truly fired me up...someone invaded my "kids" lives that ultimately could have put them in danger - and I am angry. I haven't felt anger like this ever before. While I kept my cool at the time and handled the situation with grace (or so I have been told) I had this anger brewing inside of me. I wanted to inflict serious bodily harm. I can't even put into words the torment and anger going on within me. I know there is nothing wrong with anger - but there is something wrong with holding on to it...when I chose to not turn this over to God, when I chose to hold this inside, when I chose to let this anger brew, I unknowingly turned my feet away from God. And as soon as I did, I felt satan invade my life - he tried to bring me down, and it was working. I thank God for Lindsey who last night knew something was wrong, prayed with me over the phone and reminded me of who I really am - of who I am in God. When satan was trying to bring me down, she was right there lifting me back up - she was fighting satan for me, and I am so grateful.

So now comes the battle I must fight within myself - to let this go - to forgive this person - to give everything over to God.