Fear

I've recently discovered how often I let fear control my life. By recently I mean yesterday. It has been "brewing" in my head for a while now, and in the last few weeks it was beginning to become apparent to me. Then last night after an amazing conversation with a friend, I realized it.

I have been living in fear way too much.

The journey of me vs. fear has been ongoing for years. I guess God figures he'll just give me little snippets of fears to deal with at a time. Its funny how this time I was always looking behind me to see how far I have come over the years. I have dealt with many of my fears and have moved on past them. But yesterday I looked ahead. And I saw the fears I have avoided and let control my life.

Lately I have been reading In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. Its a book entirely about facing your fears and embracing those opportunities. As hard as it is to admit, it has taken me far too long to finish reading it because many times I have just pushed it aside out of fear! (Ironic isn't it) God has been consistently bringing this to my attention and I have kept ignoring it. (Also ironic since I had been praying for God to show me what I need to change, and when he did, I ignored him!)

A few life changing things have been heading my way lately. Things that I truly want, yet a part of me is afraid. A part of me that is comfortable right where I am, afraid of these types of changes.

A bit of background - I am a runner. Not literally. Although I do occasionally try to run, this is an entirely different kind of running. This is the side of me that is terrified. The side that wants to run a million miles an hour in the other direction to protect myself. The side of me that I constantly have to fight against. This feels like an uphill battle sometimes.

Although I know that after each little victory, the next battle gets easier.

I leave you with some quotes and such that have really hit home lately...

From Corey's blog - from Erwin McManus' new book Soul Cravings:
"We're all struggling to figure ourselves out. We're all afraid to expose our souls to those who might judge us, and at the same time, we desperately need help to guide us on this journey."

Eleanor Roosevelt - "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

H. Jackson Browne - "Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."

Henry James - "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

Louisa May Alcott - "I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."