- Crazy week getting ready for Innovate.
- WOW! Innovate completely blew me away!
- Awesome Film Festival
- Dr. Bob rocked last night!
- Discovered lack of sleep and a social life makes me somewhat cranky (sorry!)
- Ready to relax and chill now.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Short Update
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thoughts...
Not too long ago I had lunch with an old friend. As we were catching up she started to share with me some of the problems she was facing with her husband. He doesn’t know how to accept love. He pulls away and doesn’t let anyone in, and hasn’t in a long time. And now he is freaked out and is pushing her and their family away. She is trying to help him and to fight for him, their marriage and their family, but is constantly coming up against opposition by him.
The more I thought about it the more it bothered me. Not only for them, but for what it showed me about all of us as humans.
When you are young, the idea of heart break seems foreign. You never consider the fact that it could happen to you. Young people tend to jump into relationships and give their whole heart every time. It doesn’t occur to them to protect themselves; that heart break could actually happen to them.
And then it does.
And everything changes.
Looking back I can see the exact moment when I started to shut myself off emotionally. Coming from a divorced family you would think I would have safe-guarded my heart a long time ago. But I didn’t. I didn’t think it could happen to me. I couldn’t imagine someone hurting me that badly. But unfortunately it happens to most of us. Our hearts get broken, and often times our defense mechanisms start to kick in. We run, we hide, we push people away, we use others, we hurt others before they can hurt us, we close ourselves off. Personally, I chose the running option. And I was good at it. Probably too good. I believe everyone wants to find love, but our defense mechanisms get in the way. And if you live defensively for too long, you end up hurting the people you are closest to.
Like my friend’s husband.
While over the past 1 ½ - 2 years God has helped me to deal with my “running”, sometimes it is still a struggle.
But now I am even more determined than ever to fight my own instincts. I see how much pain he is causing his wife, his family and himself. And I don’t want to get so used to “running” that I can’t go back. I’m afraid he may be so used to pushing people away and keeping them at an arm’s length that he doesn’t know how to get back.
So I will continue to fight my own instincts – my defense mechanisms. Because I know the person I want to become and that doesn’t include running anymore.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis
The more I thought about it the more it bothered me. Not only for them, but for what it showed me about all of us as humans.
When you are young, the idea of heart break seems foreign. You never consider the fact that it could happen to you. Young people tend to jump into relationships and give their whole heart every time. It doesn’t occur to them to protect themselves; that heart break could actually happen to them.
And then it does.
And everything changes.
Looking back I can see the exact moment when I started to shut myself off emotionally. Coming from a divorced family you would think I would have safe-guarded my heart a long time ago. But I didn’t. I didn’t think it could happen to me. I couldn’t imagine someone hurting me that badly. But unfortunately it happens to most of us. Our hearts get broken, and often times our defense mechanisms start to kick in. We run, we hide, we push people away, we use others, we hurt others before they can hurt us, we close ourselves off. Personally, I chose the running option. And I was good at it. Probably too good. I believe everyone wants to find love, but our defense mechanisms get in the way. And if you live defensively for too long, you end up hurting the people you are closest to.
Like my friend’s husband.
While over the past 1 ½ - 2 years God has helped me to deal with my “running”, sometimes it is still a struggle.
But now I am even more determined than ever to fight my own instincts. I see how much pain he is causing his wife, his family and himself. And I don’t want to get so used to “running” that I can’t go back. I’m afraid he may be so used to pushing people away and keeping them at an arm’s length that he doesn’t know how to get back.
So I will continue to fight my own instincts – my defense mechanisms. Because I know the person I want to become and that doesn’t include running anymore.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis
Random Thoughts After a Busy Day
• I did nothing yesterday but relax and watch The Office. It took me a good three hours to finally “relax” and let myself rest.
• This was a hard morning to get up and head to the gym. My bed was warm and the air around me was not. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep this morning habit up when it gets really cold out in the mornings.
• Martin’s salad bar has avocado now! Made my day just a little bit better.
• The room remodel on our house is over halfway done. I love coming home from work and going to see what all they have accomplished in one day.
• I’m excited to paint soon! And we are doing it before the carpet goes in, so it doesn’t matter nearly as much if I am messy!
• Serving in the nursery every Sunday is such a blessing to me – everything seems right in the world when you have a baby cuddle up against you and fall asleep on your chest.
• Something really great happened on Saturday! I weighed myself at the gym and I had lost 7 ½ lbs. in 10 days! It’s about time the weight started coming off! I had been gaining muscle and endurance like crazy and really needed to see the scale start to move. What a great way to start my day!
• The entire weekend was just awesome. I got to spend time with people I love as well as spend some time by myself. It was just what I needed before the week of Innovate.
• I am so excited for Innovate I can hardly stand it! There is some really cool stuff coming!
• There were two ladies at the gym this morning who apparently think they own the locker room. Had to pray to be patient and calm. A lot. I am not a morning person.
• Dr. Bob gave an amazing message this weekend at GCC. I highly recommend catching it online or listening to the podcast.
• This was a hard morning to get up and head to the gym. My bed was warm and the air around me was not. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep this morning habit up when it gets really cold out in the mornings.
• Martin’s salad bar has avocado now! Made my day just a little bit better.
• The room remodel on our house is over halfway done. I love coming home from work and going to see what all they have accomplished in one day.
• I’m excited to paint soon! And we are doing it before the carpet goes in, so it doesn’t matter nearly as much if I am messy!
• Serving in the nursery every Sunday is such a blessing to me – everything seems right in the world when you have a baby cuddle up against you and fall asleep on your chest.
• Something really great happened on Saturday! I weighed myself at the gym and I had lost 7 ½ lbs. in 10 days! It’s about time the weight started coming off! I had been gaining muscle and endurance like crazy and really needed to see the scale start to move. What a great way to start my day!
• The entire weekend was just awesome. I got to spend time with people I love as well as spend some time by myself. It was just what I needed before the week of Innovate.
• I am so excited for Innovate I can hardly stand it! There is some really cool stuff coming!
• There were two ladies at the gym this morning who apparently think they own the locker room. Had to pray to be patient and calm. A lot. I am not a morning person.
• Dr. Bob gave an amazing message this weekend at GCC. I highly recommend catching it online or listening to the podcast.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Ouch...
In the last few days I can say that I know truly understand the saying "feel the burn".
I've been feeling the burn a lot lately.
As a matter of fact I am feeling the after burn right now.
Guess I just need to remember the other saying "No pain no gain".
I've been feeling the burn a lot lately.
As a matter of fact I am feeling the after burn right now.
Guess I just need to remember the other saying "No pain no gain".
Monday, September 17, 2007
Random Thoughts
Well, this was originally going to be "Early Morning Thoughts" but since the thoughts stayed in my head until NOW, it is now just random thoughts...
- The more you get up early, the easier it gets. I only needed to hit the snooze once and got up before the alarm went off again!
- I used to think I would have less energy in the morning to workout since I am not a morning person. I was wrong. I always end up pushing myself harder and accomplishing more now. I keep breaking my previous "records"
- Working out your abs makes it hurt to laugh.
- I love watching the sun rise as it is peaking above the trees. Thank goodness my gym has plenty of windows.
- I was really dumb Saturday night and paid the price for it. Story to come.
- I need an evening or weekend day to myself. I feel like I have been going non-stop for weeks.
- I can't believe OJ was smirking while getting arrested. Or at least he was on the footage I saw.
- I love outlet mall shopping. Deals are my friend.
- My ipod is my working out lifeline. I don't think I would be able to push myself as hard or long without it. Just when I am ready to stop early, a song comes on that inspires me to keep going.
- Somehow lately I have been going to the gym 7 days a week. And now I can't imagine NOT going everyday.
- I can't believe I just typed the previous "thought". What has happened to me?!?
Why I switched to morning workouts...
Pieces of our old roof and random stuff that I don't know where it came from...
The view from the outside in - I'm standing where our door used to be, looking in at a piece of plywood closing off the rest of our house. Notice, it's quite bright. That's because there is no longer a roof.
The backwall that had water damage as well and needs to be completely redone. Scary huh. Our house now has a "sun room" temporarily. Pardon me if I choose NOT to spend time out there.
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