Confused

Tonight I realized how completely and utterly confused I am about my life. It was one of those nights where you finally have time to stop and think - and then the thinking causes pain and confusion.

There are so many aspects of my life that I don't know if I am heading in the right direction. I don't know if I am truly honoring God with all that I do - I have found myself wondering if I am either convincing myself that I am taking the steps God wants me to or if I really am. Wondering if I am really making a difference...if I am supposed to be doing more. If I am supposed to continue on the road I am on or make some minor or perhaps drastic changes. Spiritually I know I am taking steps in the right direction - but with my every day life I wonder if I am doing what is easy or if it is truly what God wants. As I was telling Lindsey tonight, I would like a flashing neon sign from God...I don't need all my questions answered but one sure would be nice when I feel like I have so many things in my life I am unsure of...

The ironic thing about this is that these thoughts were spurred on by CMT (Country Music Television) - songs like Little Rock, I Hope You Dance, The Dance - all songs that really get me thinking about life. Songs that make a difference to people. Songs that inspire me to do more.

I think part of what has brought this on is dealing with the deaths of my loved ones. The songs I Hope You Dance and The Dance are both songs that comforted me when my friend Bob died tragically in a car accident almost 5 years ago at the age of 19. Bob's birthday is coming up next month and this is never a good time of year for me...I always start to re-evaluate my life - the worth of my life - if I could be doing more - am I truly living life to the fullest

I just wish I had some answers...sometimes this Walk By Faith stuff is not so easy...