10 Days in India...

Three years ago my view of the world radically changed. I left my comfortable "bubble" of Northern Indiana and traveled to southern India with a team from Granger Community Church. I had never traveled overseas, let alone to a third world country and I never expected to come back a different person. But I did. I left a piece of my heart with the people of India. I came back with a love for a broken and hurting country that somehow managed to turn my world upside down. A love for a group of people who inspired me to be more like them: giving. loving. sacrificial. authentic. strong.

And in March I get the opportunity to head back to India...and I couldn't be more excited.

This time I'll be headed to a village called Kalavai - a village that is considered the lowest of the low, a village that most wouldn't even notice if it disappeared, a village that without intervention from people of "power" would never have any hope of changing. A few years ago GCC heard about Kalavai and decided to intervene - to use the power that comes with just being Americans to change the future of this village. Every few months teams from GCC head to Kalavai to help them start and run businesses, assist in building homes, teaching the children English, providing filters for clean water and many more projects. As soon as I heard about the Conversational English Team I was all in. I knew that was exactly where I belonged. What I didn't realize though was the power behind learning English.

Ironically, in India if you want to attend college, you must speak English. All courses are not in Hindi or Tamil, but English. English is considered the "trade language" of India! Who knew?! Obviously the ten days of our trip is not enough to teach our highly complicated language, but we'll be working with local church planters who have already started the ball rolling and will continue the program after we leave. And we are bringing something with us most Indians don't have access to - native speakers of the language...us. As someone who had to study foreign languages in school, conversing with someone is the best way to learn. I can't imagine a better way to spend 10 days.

But even as a "seasoned veteran," this trip will be vastly different for me, and your prayers would not only be greatly appreciated, but greatly needed as well. Three years ago my stomach did not transition well to the long days of travel and life in India. I had trouble eating and came back 13 pounds lighter than when I left 10 days before. Not exactly the healthiest way to lose weight, and not exactly part of the experience I want to relive. Knowing now what I didn't know then is obviously to my benefit and I'm stepping up my game in the next few months of preparation. Also, during my last trip, I was lucky enough to always have bathroom facilities - strange bathroom facilities at times, but still, always accessible. This time I will not. At all. For days. It's hard for me to even fathom life in the middle of nowhere with a tent and a bush. But I know I'm supposed to be headed to India, and I know with the power of prayer and a little stubbornness on my part, I can handle it. If you are willing, please pray for these two things for me specifically, as well as safe travel for our team, for God to use us in whatever ways he can and for the people of Kalavai.

And as always, a trip like this doesn't come cheap. With the economy the way it is, travel costs are up. Currently, the cost of my trip is $3,000. If you want the opportunity to help send me to India, you can mail a donation using the attached form, or hop on the web at gccwired.com/missiontrips. For those of you who are curious and like to plan ahead, half of my support is due on January 18, with the trip paid in full by February 22.

We want to bring the kingdom of God from up there, to down here on earth. One little village in India at a time. It's already begun and I can't wait to be a part of it. And by supporting me in prayer or in finances, you will become a part of it too. You will be influencing the lives of the people of Kalavai. You will be a world changer as well. You will be bringing up there, down here.


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If you want to see some of the videos that captured my heart, and of the work being done in Kalavai, you can find them here. These are the people I will soon be meeting. The people I will be serving. The people who will be radically changing my life. The people whose lives you will be changing as well. If you have any questions or want the web address to follow along on my journey of preparation, more information can be found periodically here on my blog or on my Facebook fanpage.

Reflections of India

I've been thinking about India a lot lately...a lot. I decided to look back on some of my thoughts after I returned from my trip three years ago.

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Well it has been almost two months since our return from India and here I am still trying to process everything I saw and experienced. I wonder if I will ever truly be "done" processing...

Last night Lindsey (one of my fellow India travelers) and I were talking about the pace of our lives. Somehow, without our knowledge, our lives have gone crazy. It seems like my life is over flowing with too many things to do and not enough time to do it in. Slowly, the pace of my life has increased back to warp speed. And it spawned a conversation about the pace of life in India...

India is a hard country and culture to put into words. As I have told many of you, even though we were actually only gone for 10 days, it felt like we were gone for at least a month. There was so many things packed into our days that it often felt like one day was really two or three. I believe most of this is simply because of we were "guests" from America and everyone wanted to see us, have a chance to talk with us and to have us pray for them. There is kind of a relaxed urgency in their way of life. The church planters we were with packed their days with visiting people and ministering in villages and homes, wanting nothing more than to love these people and help them to meet or know Christ better. Yet at the same time, there was always downtime to spend with their closest family and friends. Every day we were in the villages we "took rest" - some of us napped, some of us just laid down our heads, but there was always down time. How ironic is it that I had to travel across the world to see an example of relaxed urgency. And even after I experienced it and yearned to be like that upon my return home, somewhere along the line I returned to my old habits. Packing my minutes, hours, days and weeks with stuff, without "taking rest" every day.

How desperately do I want to remember how the Indians lived, and learn to emulate it into my daily life.

Going Back...

A few days ago I found myself going back through my blog - for a completely random not so important purpose that I am currently pleading the 5th on - and started to realize how many things I have forgotten. Ironically some of those posts are starting to smack me right upside the head. Who knew?

This one really hit me. Partially because I originally stole it off a friends blog and partially because I can't for the life of me remember who it was who wrote it. It occurs to me that maybe it's supposed to be that way...

The stuff in this short little post is enough to really get you thinking. I know it has gotten me thinking once again...

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One of my amazing friends recently posted a blog - her words left me in awe. It spoke the words that many feel but never form themselves.

Since many of you may not be privy to be her friend on facebook, I decided to "steal" her words to share them with all of you. Check it out and see what I mean :

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, surrounded by many, yet feeling alone and i'm wondering... what things in life are truely worth the risk? I take risks every day.
I risk being late every time i hit my snooze button.
I risk getting a ticket every time i speed.
I risk burning my mouth every time i take a sip of coffee.
I risk falling every time i wear high heels.
But what's really so risky about these things? So what? I could be late, get a speeding ticket, lose some taste buds, fall on my face or all of these things in the same day and there really isn't going to be that much damage.
Then there are the things that seem really risky... too risky.
Telling someone you love something ugly about yourself.
Trusting someone you want to love.
Trusting someone in general.
Loving someone in general.
Allowing yourself to be known well enough to be truly loved by someone.
So what heppens if i continue fearing things like love, trust and being known? I guess i'm not really sure. I do think that a life w/o risk is a life not worth living. And i don't be the i-didn't-brush-my-teeth-last-night kind of risk. I mean the i-could-get-my-heart-ripped-out-again kind of risk, or the i-may-die-trying-this kind of risk. Doesn't the size of the risk say something about the size of the possible pay off?
Anyway, i guess i'm just deciding to risk again. Maybe that means trust, maybe that means love or maybe that means letting myself be known. Whatever it is, i think i can feel it coming... i'm not sure i'm ready, but i'm not going to run.

Waiting

I've never been someone who's good at waiting. From birth, showing up two weeks early, I've always had a hard time with waiting. Don't get me wrong, I've had to do my fair share of waiting. One would think that I would have gotten used to it by now, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

For years I took God out of the picture. If he asked me to wait, I just went ahead with my own plan. I didn't want to wait, I couldn't see how God could make anything better come out of making me wait. I always thought "Hey, he's God! If he really wanted such and such to happen, he could just go ahead and do it right now." So in my warped sense of reality, if God didn't act now, he'd turn my plan into his plan and we'd all live happily ever after.

Then a few years ago I finally tried it God's way. I waited. And waited. And waited some more. And one day, God blew me away. His plan was better than anything I could have even possibly fathomed for myself. The period of waiting was worth it.

Waiting still isn't easy for me, and I doubt it ever will be. The greatest things in life are rarely the "easy" things. There is one thing I know - I don't want to cut God's story short in my life because waiting seems too hard. Once you take that chance, and actually wait on God and his plan for your life, it'll blow you away too. And the next time you must wait...and the time after that...and the time after that...you know it'll be worth it then too. It always is. Because He always does everything right - everything.

Isaiah 30:18
But God’s not finished. He’s waiting around to be gracious to you.
He’s gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.

Darth MC Hammer

These guys have skillz...

30 Days

Last week at our staff meeting we were broached with a question - if you found out you would die in 30 days, what would you do?

Some might think this is an easy question to answer.

But it's harder than at first glance.

It's hard to fathom that your life could suddenly end in one month's time. Would you want to know? Would it hinder how you live your life? Even if you did know, would you choose to continue life as it is? What might you do differently? Who would you spend time with? What would you do?

It's something to think about. If you're curious, here's my thoughts on my last 30 days:

• I wouldn't complain so much about getting up early. I would want to have as many waking hours as possible with the people I love. I wouldn't want, on Day 29, to look back and wish I had just a few more hours.
  
• I would visit as many family members and close friends as possible. Not just to sit around and mope together, but to make memories. To have random fun, take tons of pictures and laugh our heads off. To love each other without abandon or fear.
• I would say things that need to be said, but have instead chosen the easy road. Things like:
I'm sorry. I forgive you. Please forgive me. I love you. You're being an idiot. Please stop hurting yourself. Please stop punishing yourself. Let love in. Let God in. I'm praying for you. You are loved. You are missed. You are appreciated. You have made a difference in my life. You matter. You matter to me. You matter to God. Just try. Trust God - He really does know better than us. You helped me to become the woman I am today. Thank you.
• I'd write letters to those I am leaving behind - to give them a piece of me to hold onto when I'm gone.
  
• I'd make hilariously stupid videos to help people to laugh in the first few days after I'm gone.
• I'd put together a playlist for my funeral - and insist it be used. Music full of love, hope and laughter.
  

Last week, when asked this question, there were two things I wanted to do: spend time with my loved ones, and sell everything & travel the world.

But, when I'm being completely honest with myself, traveling is not what is important to me. People are. The people I love are. Traveling would be the easy road again - see everyone, say goodbye, and then distract myself from the pain of what's to come. Of knowing I had a short time left to live. And that is not what I want my last days to look like when I stand before God. And I would never want to put my family and friends through that added pain.

So while my list is different than I originally thought, this list is me. This is who I am. My only question now is, why am I not doing a better job of these things when my days are not numbered.

Stand By Me

I love music.

I love the emotions a few minutes of notes and lyrics can evoke inside of me.

This song never ceases to make me close my eyes, listen to the words and feel the music deep in my soul. Until I saw this video, I didn't realize how much stronger my reaction could be.

Take 5 minutes. Watch this video. Don't watch the first 20 seconds and then shake your head at me - watch the whole thing. Trust me - you'll thank me later.

Whoa

As you can probably tell by the lack of activity on my blog recently, I've been busy. Not just everyday busy. BIG busy. Remind yourself to breathe busy. Leave town for the weekend as the only way to recharge busy.

But that hasn't kept thoughts from spinning and blog posts from being composed in my brain. I got stuff to say. Just no time or energy to say it right now.

I will leave you this to ponder on:

Sometimes I think we take for granted being part of something bigger than ourselves...

Experiments in Baking

Tonight I decided to take an idea from the Food Network, and experiment to make it my own.

And I succeeded. In a big way.

It was fun, and my taste buds are pretty darn happy if I do say so myself.

At the request of one of my brilliant friends, I have created a photo journey of my experiment in baking. I don't recommend viewing this journey while hungry - your stomach may try to gnaw its way out of your body in an effort to eat the images right off your screen. Consider yourself warned.

A few random things...

• Just got back from vacation - had a great relaxing time. Many stories and some pictures to come. (P.S. God showed up. I love when he does that!)
• Discovered a new container of Cool Whip on the fridge. I have a weak spot for Cool Whip - especially right out of the container.
  
• Cool Whip tastes better when using my finger as the utensil. Not the same on a spoon.
• Same goes for creamy peanut butter.
• Not so for crunchy. Spoon all the way.
• When I buy anything new, I have to wear it or use it right away. Just got a bread maker at my friend's garage sale and it's killing me that I haven't got to use it yet. I've owned it for all of 4+ hours.
• Finally read this. What the heck took me so long!? Seriously, loved it, loved the writing, loved the storyline, loved it.
• If you call my phone, but after I answer realize you dialed the wrong number, say so. Don't just hang up. Frustrates the crap outta me.
• I love shoes - but I love being barefoot more. Strange, I know.
• Yes, in the middle of writing this blog post, my phone rang and they said nothing, spawning on the above mentioned frustration.
  

Leavin' On A Jet Plane...

In 34+ hours I'll be on a plane headed to Dallas - and after typing that slight panic is setting in because I have yet to pack or organize anything! At least I have a list going... but that's besides the point.

Wednesday morning I get to travel with some of my amazing co-workers (and assorted family members) to Dallas for a conference for work. A few of us will give mini-breakout type presentations, my boss is giving the keynote, and we all get to have some great team time while learning exciting new things about our church database. (You're jealous, I know)

But I have an extra reason to be excited for this trip ahead - because a year and a half ago my dad moved to Dallas.

Are you putting the pieces together yet?

So Friday afternoon at 4:30 my vacation starts and I get to spend multiple days with my dad and stepmom - and I couldn't be more excited!

Let's just hope my travels are far less exciting than last year...

A Must Read...

It's not often that a blog post completely stops me in my tracks and causes me to scroll back up and read again.

Today that happened.

Take the three minutes to go here, and read this post. It just might speak to you too.

Who Am I?

As I eluded to earlier, I've been processing this question a lot lately:

Who am I when no one is looking?

Somewhere in my teenage years, I lost "me". I lost who I really was at my core. It was just easier to feel accepted if I became a mirror of those people around me, because then, the chance of rejection was less. Sadly enough, I stayed that way for way too long. So much so that when asked, I didn't always know what my favorite tv show, or song artist, or movie, or restaurant even was anymore.

One day I sat down, and inspired by the movie Runaway Bride, I made a list. I figured out what I truly liked, and, what I really didn't like at all. Very sad that it had to come to that, but yet that is where my journey began. It was the first time I really thought about who I am if no one is around.

Since then I've revisited that question many times, only each time on a different level.

Most recently I stopped to think about my relationship with Christ, and decided it was time for a little "check-up". Here's a few of the questions I took the time to stop and ask myself:

• Who am I when no one is looking?
• Who do I, or what do I worship when no one is around?
• Am I fully leaning on Christ when the sun is set, the computer is off, the phone is silent and it's just me and him?
• Do I take my own advice? Is He my strength during times of sorrow? Do I praise Him in my times of joy? Do I praise Him in my times of sorrow?
  
• Is He my number one priority in a "me-centered" world?
• Do I have faith in His plan? If I pray for rain, do I go out and buy an umbrella?
• Am I just going through the "motions" when others are around? Or is this truly who I am at my core?

These are the questions I've asked myself, and yes, I have my answers. I have a pretty good idea of who I am, where I am at, and where I need to be. We are all a work in progress - and I gotta say, I'm proud of how far God has brought me. A few years ago, my answers to these questions would have been different. And a few years from now, they will be as well.

Sometimes it's worth the time to stop and re-evaluate who you are when no one is looking. Because that's the person God sees. That is who you are at your core. Choose to be the real you. And if you hide "you" because you're ashamed, then take steps to change it. Yes it seems like a long road ahead, but take it from someone who was so lost just a few years ago, it's so worth it.

Light Hearted Randomness

In no order what-so-ever, I give you, random things about me...

• I need to have both smooth and crunchy peanut butter in the cupboard. My texture of choice varies depending on what I'm eating.
• My niece said my name for the first time this weekend - melted my heart!
• I sometimes force myself to do something I don't like to, or don't want to, do. I used to always give in to fear, this is one of the ways I keep fear from ruling my life.
• I watch more tv on the Internet than on do an actual tv.
  
• When I'm driving in the car, and searching for a radio station, if the first thing I hear is an ad, I keep on surfing. But if I'm already listening to a station, I don't necessarily always switch away during commercials and chatty djs.
• I used to hate the quiet. Now I not only enjoy it sometimes, I need it.
• It took me years to realize who I really am, only to discover that it will always be changing, growing, evolving.
  

A Glimpse of My Thoughts

A few weeks ago during a bible class this question got brought up:

Who am I when no one is looking?

More thoughts on this later...

The conversation...

This just happened:

Mom - "A shower sounds nice, but I don't have the energy."

Me - "Um...then how are we going to drive for the next 6 hours?"

You just never know...

It's almost 10 o'clock at night.

Normally I'm getting ready for bed about now.

Currently, I am getting ready to drive for 6+ hours. To the Indianapolis airport. And back.

This could make for an interesting night.

Why I'm excited for Saturday...

This season...

Life can change in an instant. One minute you know exactly where you are headed and why, knowing with all your heart you are following God's prompting and will, then suddenly, the road ends. A choice was made. The road is no more. And there you stand. Confused. Hurt. Lonely. Wondering where to go now. Waiting for God to recalculate and get you moving again. Only, for this moment, God is silent.

This is the season I'm in right now, in this instant, as I type. And I'll be brutally honest - it's hard. Really hard.

I never quite understood what people meant when they spoke about hearing God's voice, talking with God instead of at Him, knowing His will for their lives. It's a very abstract concept when you have never experienced it. Then, a few years ago, I heard it. It took me a while to realize who it was, but it was Him - my heavenly father. I didn't hear his voice about everything and I didn't hear it often, but I was starting to be able to recognize it. It's like how you recognize the people around you by their voices or their movements. You know it's them because you've spent enough time around them to just know.

I won't say my life became perfect the minute I started to recognize God's voice -- it didn't. I prayed for God to tell me what His will was -- and He did. But for a while, I fought it. I prayed for a "flashing neon sign" to tell me what to do...and when He gave me one, I ran. Because it was scary. But I learned to take steps in the direction He was guiding me. And the more faithful and obedient I was, the more He spoke. We were in constant conversation.

Then one day, it all changed.

Because we don't live this life alone - others are on the journey with us, and God gave us all free will. And the road ended. The neon sign faded and died. There I stood, not knowing where to go next. Waiting patiently to hear God's voice for guidance, only to hear nothing at all.

I know there are times when God chooses to remain silent. I know this, but it doesn't make it any easier when you have gone from climbing high on a mountain, to suddenly skidding to a halt at the bottom of a valley. Not knowing how to navigate this new territory, how to continue to remain faithful, how to not lose hope in God's will for your life, how to trust that God will recalculate a new path.

Over the last few weeks I've learned that even though God is not talking, He's still with me. He's next to me on this journey, and He's hurting with me. He's shown himself to me a few times, reminded me of His love and power and spoken through many around me. But just as you miss the voice of your mommy or daddy as a child when they've been away, I miss hearing God's voice.

Then yesterday I heard a song on the radio that I had all but forgot about. A song that spoke to exactly to where I am right here, right now. I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp:

"I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start"

"Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear"

"Well the only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers well in brokenness"

"I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe"


This is my now. This is where I'm at. This is the season I'm living in.

I may not see God as I have been used to seeing Him. I may not hear God as I have been used to hearing Him. But I still believe. I still cry out to Him. I still run to Him. I still trust Him with all that I am. And I know, in His perfect timing, I'll hear His voice once again.

Updated!

I just updated my blog template - somehow a fresh start makes me feel like blogging even more...

Stay tuned.

Risk

I wouldn't say I'm a risk-taker.

If anything for many years I've been a risk-avoider.

I don't think I'm much different than anyone else - we all avoid risk for one main reason: to prevent getting hurt.

Sometimes this is a good thing. Like when you want to jump out of your treehouse as a child or throw flammable objects into a bonfire.

But the risks I tend to avoid the most aren't the ones that leave outward scars or can be healed with a band-aid.

In the last few days I've realized something. While I've deluded myself into thinking I've just been protecting myself, I've actually been hurting myself even more. Ironic isn't it. Over the years my self protection has served me well, but I came to realize that I've also been avoiding risks I should be taking.

I've decided taking risks is like weight lifting. Yes, it's tearing your muscles, and it causes some pain, but you end up stronger in the end. But you have to be smart with who you trust to train you. I could easily do permanent, unhealthy damage to my body if I listen to someone who doesn't know what they are talking about. Quite similar to risk taking. Risks can cause pain, but when you listen to God's guidance on which risks to take, and do so with Him by your side, you'll end up stronger in the end.

Recently God asked me if I trusted Him enough to step out and take a risk. A risk that could possibly invoke some serious pain. I can't say that I jumped right in an obeyed. I didn't. It took Him asking me over and over to realize that no matter the outcome, I needed to trust God, I needed to obey and I needed to let go of my fears. And so I did. Yes, I experienced pain. But I took the risk knowing that is what God was asking of me.

It wasn't like the heavens opened up and host of heavenly angels began singing the Hallelujah Chorus. But it did change me. It made me stronger. It made me lean on God. It made me closer to Him. It made me a better version of me.

And that, to me, made it all worth it.

What risks in your life are you not taking?

Where I'm At...

One of my friends just recently wrote a blog post about her life - oddly enough it expressed exactly where I am at right now as well. So I'm copying it here and giving her some link love. My thoughts follow.

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Slow down

At the beginning of the school year I set a goal to create some space in my schedule for rest. That hasn't happened much this semester. In fact I had been running so fast and doing so much I couldn't hear myself think.

Last summer a friend of mine pulled me aside and asked how I was REALLY doing? I was so caught off guard I didn't know how to respond. This friend was patient enough to give me some space to answer but the truth was I had no clue. I had been running forward so hard for so long I had never taken the time to think about it. My friend knew this and quickly reminded me how important slowing down to rest is. They were painful words to hear at the time but words that hold truth and love.

A few weeks ago I talked with this friend again and was asked the same question. I stumbled over my words to come up with a quick answer and change the subject as quickly as possible. As I drove home after that conversation I realized how distracted I had become by life. The words of last summer's conversation replayed over and over in my head. Here I was again flying through life without taking time to breathe.

So I started this year's spring break with nothing on my schedule. Since Friday afternoon I haven't done much. I've met a few friends. Spent lots of time just chatting with Jesus and reading. It has been glorious. I'm so glad I started break this way.


I read this today, which is what inspired this post, and thought I would share it.

How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
So merciful, this God of ours!
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
And so I walk in the Lord’s presence
as I live here on earth!
Psalm 116:5-9

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I hit a crossroads not long ago - there were two different paths to take. One all about me. One that was not. I needed God more desperately than I have in a long time and in that desperation, chose correctly. I chose to take time to think, pray, read and just listen for God's voice. I chose the quiet over the noise. And I'm finally at a place again where if someone asked how I was doing, truly doing, that I could honestly answer "I'm in a good place right now."

Quote

One of my good friends shared this quote with me. I decided to share it with you all.

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" Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." ~William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) in Meet Joe Black

Impactful

This weekend at GCC we launched into a series on an often taboo topic - Sex. Most churches refuse to address this topic, we talk openly about it.

A woman from our church told her story via media. I think the honesty and rawness of her words was one of the most impactful parts of the service. Check it out for yourself:



(If you're reading this via facebook, you can view it here)

Captivating

A guy friend on facebook put it out there today that he was looking to borrow the book Captivating by Stasi and John Eldredge. For those of you who aren't aware, it's a book mainly about women, how we're wired and how to be truly captivating. Not exactly a guy kind of book. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge to help me understand more of the inner struggle of males; why shouldn't guys read about the inner struggles of women.

Before offering up my book, I decided to glance through it to make sure there weren't any notes in the margins that I wouldn't want someone else to read. In doing so, I started reading some of the passages I had underlined. There is some great stuff in this book! So, men, here's a sneak peek, and women, trust me, you'll want to read this book too!

- Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

- We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

- If you will listen to carefully to any woman's story, you will hear a theme; the assault on her heart. It might be obvious as in the stories of physical, verbal or sexual abuse. Or it might be more subtle, the indifference of a world that cares nothing for her but uses her until she is drained.

- God invites us to risk trusting him and enter into redemptive friendships with others - to open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt as well as to the possibility of tasting the sweet fruit of companionship. Yet, no matter how wonderful a taste of relational fullness you have, you will want more. If you had an amazing connection yesterday with someone, when you wake this morning, you will want it again. Eve possesses a bottomless well of longing. Jesus alone s the never-ending fount, which can slake her thirst. No other source, no other relationship will fully satisfy. God made us that way. On purpose.

Well, I've been absent from the blog world for a while now. I hope you have all missed me.

Tonight's blog though I cannot take credit for - I'm re-posting one that my amazing and smart friend Sarah wrote. I couldn't word it better myself...

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"Answer First"

We have some amazing students at GSM! Whether is school, future plans, relationships, Scripture or whatever I love sitting and listening to them share about their journeys. The last few weeks have included several conversations with a few girls about dating and relationships.

It has always amazed me how quickly girls fall for a guy without even getting to know him. A few weeks later her heart is broken because low and behold he wasn't who she thought he was. Duh! You never even stopped to find out who he was. And I'm not just talking about students, girls my age do this.

I'm not going to pretend like I'm an expert in this area. We all know that isn't true but I thought I would share the questions I always encourage girls to answer when they "like a boy." I'm guessing they could be just as helpful for guys. But who I am to know?

1. What is it you like about him/her?
2. How does he/she treat you?
3. How do you see Jesus in him/her?
4. Does he/she point you towards Christ?

Random Jeanna Twitters...

I'm a twitter-er. Some of you may already know that and follow the random happenings and thoughts of my life, others may not. So here's a glance into the things that happen to me and the thoughts that come out of my head from the last few weeks or so...

• If you burn the roof of your mouth, I recommend avoiding mouth wash for a few days. Trust me on this one.
• God always seems to know exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.
• Yesterday was a dress up and look super cute day. Today I'm going for the classic comfortable and lazy look - the hoodie.
• My cousin in AZ is complaining about it being too hot, and I'm complaining about it being too cold. I'm willing to swap!
• I wish I could just close my eyes, imagine a Starbucks on my desk, and have it appear. That would be cool.
• Yes, I did choose my outfit today based on what new jewelry I wanted to wear
• Sometimes it's good to look back at your life and thank God for intervening.
• Some call it "ADD" and consider it a disorder. I call it "multi-tasking" and call it a gift.
• So easily distracted tonight. More so than normal. Scary thought, I know!
• The snooze button is my favorite of the buttons.
• NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• Just discovered you can make rice krispie treats in the microwave. How did I not know this before!?
• My friends know me. A recent email signed with "I hope you have a wonderful day filled with Starbucks and chocolate."
• Apparently I got cold last night - woke up this morning with my ENTIRE body under my down comforter.
• It's a chocolate kind of day. If you saw what was on my to-do list, you'd think so too.
  
• Chocolate. Check. Caffeine. Check. Ipod. Check. Time to tackle the big project on my plate.
  
• Perspective changes everything.
• Sometimes you have to make a conscience choice to be happy. Right now, I'm choosing to be happy.
• Body is starting to ache already from today's workout. Hurt to pull the covers up. May need to be rolled outta bed in the morning
• Paper cut on my pinky. OW! Hurts to use the "Enter" and "Shift" keys
• This morning I am working from the comfort of my warm and cozy bed. Just because I can.
• Cannot seem to find my groove this morning. Feel like an awkward puppy who has yet to grow into its paws.
• I loathe my alarm clock this morning.
• Oh 24 how I have missed you.
• I'm tired of being cold. It's only January. And I live in northern Indiana.
• Massive headache + sinus pressure = bummin it day. Now, where's my huge, comfy, cozy hoodie
• Hello drawer-o-chocolate.
• I believe some foods taste better when eaten with fingers instead of silverware.
• Wait. What's that sound? Oh, it's my bed calling my name. Night all.
• Oh sinuses how I hate thee.
• Need. Caffeine.
• Silk boxer shorts guy is back at the gym. Ug.
• Hoodies and hats - early morning apparel.
• I'm up. And it's early. Enough said.
• I just got asked if I was over 17. Made my whole day.
• I'm currently utilizing seven blankets. Three fleece, one wool in the mix. Yep, I'm weird and always cold.
• I totally just whacked myself in the head with the vacuum attachment. That takes skills.
• I'm wearing my new ND hoodie. My stepbro sitting next to me is wearing Purdue.
• Oh my. Just found a pic of me at 2 1/2, wearing only socks, walking on the kitchen counter.
• 4 things I, w/out fail, lose when I wrap Xmas gifts - the remote to the stereo, scissors, tape and pen. And not just once, multiple times.
• My afternoon thus far: clean, dance, laundry, coffee, dance, clean, twitter. Repeat as necessary.
• After shoveling previous snowfall on drive, am now a Jeanna popsicle. Pardon me while I go thaw
• Discovered a nice note on my keyboard this morning. Included "Don't slip on the ice" - it was a little too late by the time I saw it.
• Hoping to be pleasantly surprised in the morning with good health.
• I have itunes ADD today.
• I just smacked the crap outta my alarm. It felt nice.
• Can't think straight. Can't focus. Need. Coffee. Starbucks. Need Starbucks.

The Evolution is BACK!

Unless you have been living under a rock for the last few years, I'm sure you have heard of and seen (probably multiple times) The Evolution of Dance (I believe it's one of the top viewed videos on YouTube)

WELL...it's back. The Evolution of Dance 2 is here! And it's only a few days old. But I must say, the first is still my favorite...

Hmmm..

I'm curious to see what comes of this:

Random Fact

I hate matching socks.

With a passion.

That's why I always buy the exact same brand of socks. They all match.

(Can you tell I'm currently doing laundry?)

Quick Update

Fact - I've been on vacation since before Christmas.

Fact - I rarely used an alarm in that time period.

Fact - I got used to staying up late again.

Put these three together and take a guess what I'm thinking about my 5:45 alarm.