Downtime

I am a fairly busy person. And I like it that way. I love being around people. I love having things to do. I love being random.

But I've found that I also need some downtime.

Before the holidays I had a groove that was working pretty well for me. I switched my workouts to the morning, which left free time after my work day, and at least two evenings a week I tried to just "be" - no plans, no schedule, no "have to's"

Last week was an insanely crazy week at work. This week was an emotionally draining week. And I knew what I desperately needed more than anything - downtime. Quiet time. Me time. So I made an executive decision - to stay home on a Friday night. All by myself; eating what I wanted, watching what I wanted, doing whatever I wanted.

It was glorious.

It was what I needed.

How often do we get caught up in the pace of life that we forget how to slow down and just "be"? Why has society made time alone such a taboo thing for anyone under 60? Does anyone else find themselves struggling to take a sabbath? Sometimes I find myself forgetting that commandment or convincing myself that it somehow isn't that important.

Then I have a night like tonight, and I just know. I know why I feel so much better after relaxing - because that's how God made me. That's how I'm wired. It's just one more step in keeping myself in alignment with God.

Note to Self

No matter how tired you are, don't ever let yourself take a nap at 7 p.m.

Especially a two hour nap.

Bad idea.

The Experience

I help work on two websites. That's part of my job and I love it. There is a downside to it though--it becomes increasingly difficult to surf the Internet. Confused? Thinking that makes no sense? Oh just wait. Hear me out...

Before my days as a "web girl" there were always sites that bothered me. Ones that I would shy away from. Ones that took too long to find what I wanted. In this world where Google is one click away, why would you want to stay on a site that makes life more difficult. There's always another site waiting to give you the information you so long for. My time is precious and I have a goal in mind when I surf the Internet (well, except for nights when you can't sleep but you aren't fully awake enough to do anything of value, so you mindlessly click and scroll the minutes by...but that's another blog.)

Yesterday I saw an ad in a store promoting their new website. It looked sleek, it looked simple, it looked friendly. It caught my attention. I was hooked and decided the first chance I got I had to check it out. Let's just say I was left disappointed. The top few inches of the site were amazing. I loved it. Then I started scrolling. There was so much to look at I didn't hardly know what to do next. I was so overwhelmed I felt like a two year old at their first Christmas. I didn't stick around.

Tonight on my way home I heard a radio ad pushing a different website. The focus of the entire commercial was driving people to the web. It worked. I got curious about what the hype was about. Oddly enough, it's the same website this company has had for a while now and it is still not improved. I felt gilted somehow. And it made my head hurt. Four elements of a homepage moving or flashing at me. Too much for someone who is easily distracted. I could have overlooked all the "glitz and glamour" going on if the site was easy to navigate, easy to find what I was looking for. Sadly, it wasn't. Once again I left the web disappointed.

Our lives are busy enough - the last thing we need is to waste our precious time combing through a website, desperately searching for what we seek, only to leave frustrated. In the words of Kem Meyer, I want Less Clutter, Less Noise.

Please.

A Glorious Phone Call

Today was a cleaning day. Things needed to be done and I decided that today would be the day I would self-impose it.

About two hours into my cleaning mode my phone rings. I answer to my amazing co-worker and friend telling me I must get to Old Navy. Now. There is a huge sale with amazing prices. Two problems I see. One - I'm cleaning. I put it on myself, I made the commitment, I must follow through. Two - I haven't showered yet. It's cleaning day. I'm not about to leave this house looking as I do.

I decided my only option was to be good and continue cleaning - possibly swinging by Old Navy later before church. Only then I called one of my friends to share the wonderful knowledge of a sale. I expected to fill her in on the excitement and continue on my cleaning way. It was her reaction I was not prepared for. "Well, I'm at (cross section of streets close to my house) soooo...if you want to meet me there..."

Now I'm tempted. And my sale-minded brain starts spinning and processing. "If I wait a few hours, there isn't going to be as much to choose from. And I was just thinking I needed some more hoodies or clothes to layer..."

So what do I do?

I throw on some jeans and a hat (no worries, I already had on other clothes...just didn't want to venture into Old Navy in pajama pants), brush my teeth add some shoes and I'm out the door in less than two minutes.

And I have no regrets! That hour at Old Navy was GLORIOUS! I have never found such amazing deals! An extra 50% off of items already marked down 50%! And not just odd sized stuff - all sizes and styles and colors!

$38 dollars later I walk out of Old Navy with two bags of clothes worth $162. So what does that look like you may ask...it looks like one heavy cute pull-over hoodie, one fuzzy-on-the-inside warm-on-the-outside button down vest, one trendy cute soft hoodie, one adorable scarf to go with the vest, one new pair of slippers to replace the ones just recently put out of commission, one adorable sweatshirt coat for my baby niece, one GRRRRR! cute shirt for my nephew and two pairs of little bittie baby pants for a friend who is always on the lookout for daycare clothes.

Or, if you're more of a visual person, it looks like this:



Oh, and by the way...BONUS - as I was finishing up shopping, knowing I really needed some clothes but wondering if I should when I still have a week til payday, I get a phone call I believe was sent from heaven - directly from God to bless this woman in Northern Indiana, asking me if I was free to babysit tonight. And the angels sang...

Note to those budget conscience people - I was good and put many things back. Although the temptation is still there to return...

Is God too busy?

"And I know in the big picture
I'm just a speck of sand
and God's got better things to do
than look out for one man.
I know he's heard my prayers
cause he hears everything,
he just ain't answered back
or he'd bring you back to me.
God must be busy."

(lyrics from God Must Be Busy

by Brooks and Dunn)

How often do these very lyrics hit close to home? How often do we feel that God might just be too busy for us? When you are experiencing a pain that seems almost unbearable, and you wonder "why?" When you feel completely alone and broken, and as if God is absent. When life seems to be too much, and you find yourself asking when will it end.

I've experienced seasons of my life when the pain and suffering was so intense I wondered why God would let this happen to me. Why God would let us go through seasons of such excrutiating pain. If God truly cared, why isn't He stepping in and helping.

Sometimes it's hard to see past the pain--to realize that the journey is what builds us; makes us stronger. That God truly is walking beside us through the lowest points of our lives, but allows us to make it on our own. I liken it to a child learning to ride a bike. Eventually, you just have to let them go. You never really leave them, you're just running behind them. Even if they don't realize you are still there, you are. And by being allowed to ride, and fall, on their, they become a stronger person. There is a much more important reason for being allowed to experience the freedom and the pain.

There have been a few pivotal points in my life where I could have let the pain destroy me. I chose to not give up. I pushed through the pain - through the suffering. And it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I never realized just how God could use my past pain until a few nights ago.

A friend of mine opened up to me about the deep pain she has been holding inside. The sadness was evident. And the odd thing was that the pain I triumphed over, the pain that grew me into the person I am today, is the same pain she is currently living through.

Because of my past suffering, I can encourage her in a way few others probably can. I had been there. I understood.

I don't believe God ignores us.

I don't believe God doesn't love us.

And I don't believe God is ever too busy.

I just believe God is letting go of the bike.

Three things

This makes me shake my head.

This makes me excited...and envious.

This makes my heart hurt. (From Post Secret)

Out of the loop

The last week or so I have been completely out of the blogging loop. On occasion I have had time to jump onto my trusty Google Reader and check out a few blogs, but overall, I feel out of touch. And overloaded.

Many blogs to come...even though I haven't been blogging, I have been doing a lot of thinking.

Scary thought, I know.