So once again I have all kinds of random thoughts running through my head - hard to believe I know - so here are some of them
*The B100 Morning Crew were talking this morning about today being Pearl Harbor Day - it got me thinking of a few things - first off, its my dad and stepmoms anniversary (strange I know, but my dad has always loved history and I think this way he would never forget their anniversary), second off - how proud I am of my grandfather who served in WWII (He died before I was one, so I never got to meet him unfortunately) and of everyone I know who has fought, is fighting and will ever fight for our country, and third - how freakin awesome B100 is - they quoted a prayer, yes a prayer, on the radio this morning by George Washington. I am an extremely proud B100 fan right now!! Oh, and they still say Christmas too!
*Also on B100 this morning I heard the song "It's a Great Day To Be Alive" by Travis Tritt - every time I hear this song it reminds me of the attitude I should have everyday - It makes me smile when it comes on and I always have to sing along.
*This is a really odd story I read on WNDU this morning - someone actually paid $1700 for a piece of property the size of a stamp - yes you read that right, the size of a stamp! Insane I tell you InsanE!
*Most of you won't care, BUT, 24 has a new web design since the new season starts in 39 days! If you want a show that hardly gives you a second to breathe, in constant motion with very little down time, this is the show for you!! I have plenty of people in agreement with me - all things stop when I am watching 24! If you call and you know it is during 24, beware....If you want to see someone totally obsessed with a show, that would be me...
Oh and this is the song that is constantly popping into my head - its flippin awesome!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Pictures you must see...
So I discovered it is so much easier to post pictures on Xanga, and since I discovered some old school pictures on a CD you must visit and either take a trip down memory lane, or discover how much we have all changed...
www.xanga.com/tootsiegirl37
Enjoy!
www.xanga.com/tootsiegirl37
Enjoy!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Bitter-ness
Yes I am bitter this morning - bitter about the cold! We had no power this morning which meant for a very cold house! When I left it was around 55 degrees - AND I have a Christmas party breakfast for work this morning which means pictures - UGH! I look like I have been run over by a truck, my hair is insane, but thank goodness I haven't gotten my hair cut yet so I can still pull it up....
What a way to start the coldest morning we have had yet...Hopefully this day improves!
What a way to start the coldest morning we have had yet...Hopefully this day improves!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Vision
A few months back I was told that God often gives us a vision so big that it is impossible to do without His help. And that if we chose not to follow through with that vision, something would be missing from this world. While this completely blew me away, I never thought it would happen to me. I am not one to break out of my comfort zone very often - especially when it comes to ministry. I guess I have just always thought there were people more qualified out there who could do a better job than I could with just about everything. I just realized that God has given me a vision that absolutely cannot be done without Him.
Let me explain...
Last night we had some great discussion at nevaeH about how we live our lives between the trees (Nooma - Trees) and ended up talking about evangelism and ministry. While it was a good conversation, none of it "hit home" for me during that time. Afterwards we all headed to Laura's to do who knows what...somehow Naomi and I started talking and made our way upstairs for some awesome, soul-searching conversation...slowly others followed, which was totally cool, and then Stephen asked me the hard question (he always does that!) He asked how I was doing. I answered good. Then he really looked at me and asked how my ministry was - how he knew I had been struggling with that when he hadn't read my blog recently, I don't know (well... I guess I do) In talking with Stephen and a few others, I realized the vision God had for me - and boy is it a doozy! While it kinda scares me to step out of my comfort zone and, for lack of a better word, fight for what I know God wants, it also blows me away that God chose me, Jeanna, to do this work for Him. Wow. I have a long road ahead and it won't be easy, but I know it will be worth it. --If you are interested in hearing about this vision, please feel free to ask, I just don't want to get into it all on my blog yet--
This morning while I was getting ready I was listening to the Newsboys Thrive CD and two songs hit me, so I have included the chorus' for them -
Thrive-
Will You lift me up with tender care?
Will You wash me clean in the palm of Your hand?
Will You hold me close so I can thrive?
When You touch me, that's when I know I'm alive
Lord (I don't know)-
Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
If all of you could keep me and my ministry in your prayers I would sooo grateful! I know I have the love and support of all my friends to help me keep my focus where it needs to be and my heart optimistic and faithful...
Let me explain...
Last night we had some great discussion at nevaeH about how we live our lives between the trees (Nooma - Trees) and ended up talking about evangelism and ministry. While it was a good conversation, none of it "hit home" for me during that time. Afterwards we all headed to Laura's to do who knows what...somehow Naomi and I started talking and made our way upstairs for some awesome, soul-searching conversation...slowly others followed, which was totally cool, and then Stephen asked me the hard question (he always does that!) He asked how I was doing. I answered good. Then he really looked at me and asked how my ministry was - how he knew I had been struggling with that when he hadn't read my blog recently, I don't know (well... I guess I do) In talking with Stephen and a few others, I realized the vision God had for me - and boy is it a doozy! While it kinda scares me to step out of my comfort zone and, for lack of a better word, fight for what I know God wants, it also blows me away that God chose me, Jeanna, to do this work for Him. Wow. I have a long road ahead and it won't be easy, but I know it will be worth it. --If you are interested in hearing about this vision, please feel free to ask, I just don't want to get into it all on my blog yet--
This morning while I was getting ready I was listening to the Newsboys Thrive CD and two songs hit me, so I have included the chorus' for them -
Thrive-
Will You lift me up with tender care?
Will You wash me clean in the palm of Your hand?
Will You hold me close so I can thrive?
When You touch me, that's when I know I'm alive
Lord (I don't know)-
Lord, I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
If all of you could keep me and my ministry in your prayers I would sooo grateful! I know I have the love and support of all my friends to help me keep my focus where it needs to be and my heart optimistic and faithful...
Saturday, December 03, 2005
"I'm getting out"
I'm getting out.
I'm done.
I can't do this.
I'm getting out.
These last two months these are the words that have been overriding my thoughts about my ministry. I have been in a practically constant emotional and spiritual battle over being in a position of leadership in my ministry.
I KNOW where my passion lies.
I KNOW where my heart is.
I KNOW where God wants me to go.
What I didn't know was if I was supposed to be a leader there.
Every once in a while I would have a mini-breakdown and cry - thinking I could not do this - knowing that I am not doing a good enough job - wondering how to tell people I wanted out - worried that if I got out what would happen to my ministry that is unsteady as it is.
I had talked to a few people about it, and some of you have seen me at my worst with worry and fear about it all.
Then last night I talked about it with someone who has been there along side me for a long time. Someone who has seen the ups and the downs of the ministry with me. Someone who has seen leaders come and go and get hurt by the ministry. Someone who helped remind me of the direction I wanted this thing to go. Someone who revived in me my passion for not giving up.
Of course overnight Satan tried to hurt me once again. He tried to tell me I wasn't good enough. That I needed to get out. That I was hurting the ministry more than helping it by staying in the leadership role. Only this morning I didn't realize that it was Satan whispering these things in my ear.
As I started going through the mail this morning, I came across the newsletter I get from Lori Salierno (see Wednesday's entry for a brief summary of the impact she has on my life) about her non-profit organization Celebrate Life International (Now a few of you know how the mail situation works in my house...someone gets the mail...it ends up in a pile on a chair or table...and if you don't look at the mail for the day, it gets buried the next day) This was actually her November newsletter and somehow it had gotten lost in the shuffle. I opened it and began reading. The first words of her letter were "I'm getting out, I am just getting out!" Now not to worry, she was quoting one of her speaking colleagues from a while ago. Her colleague had told her he just couldn't handle being in the secular world anymore, that it was too hard, and he was getting out. He was only going to speak to Christian kids from that point on. He couldn't handle it anymore and he was getting out.
***(side note - this is a form letter off the computer that has puts the person's name they are sending it to after Dear at the beginning of the letter)
Then I turn the page and this is what I read - "I share that experience with you, Jeanna, because we do not have the option to get out. I know that my colleague is struggling with what to do next. But the reality if there: too many of us are 'getting out'." (!!!!!!!!!!!) Can you imagine the way this impacted me! Right there, in black and white, from an amazing leader and woman of God that I admire, telling me to hold on.
As if that wasn't enough to shock me into listening, I continued reading something I believe all of us in ministry need to hear and remember - What if Joseph, Mary's fiance, had "gotten out" because Mary was pregant? What if Mary had "gotten out" because there was no room for them in the inn?....What if Abraham Lincoln had "gotten out" after losing five elections and bids for nomination, never to become president? What if African-American Rosa Parks had "gotten out" in 1955 and given up her seat to a white person on that Montgomery City bus? Seeds of reform would not have been planted that December Day." What if I choose to "get out"? What might not happen? What if I am supposed to be the one to stick it out? What if I am the leader God has chosen to make things happen? What if I decide to put myself before my ministry because "It's just too hard"?
What if?
What if?
I'm done.
I can't do this.
I'm getting out.
These last two months these are the words that have been overriding my thoughts about my ministry. I have been in a practically constant emotional and spiritual battle over being in a position of leadership in my ministry.
I KNOW where my passion lies.
I KNOW where my heart is.
I KNOW where God wants me to go.
What I didn't know was if I was supposed to be a leader there.
Every once in a while I would have a mini-breakdown and cry - thinking I could not do this - knowing that I am not doing a good enough job - wondering how to tell people I wanted out - worried that if I got out what would happen to my ministry that is unsteady as it is.
I had talked to a few people about it, and some of you have seen me at my worst with worry and fear about it all.
Then last night I talked about it with someone who has been there along side me for a long time. Someone who has seen the ups and the downs of the ministry with me. Someone who has seen leaders come and go and get hurt by the ministry. Someone who helped remind me of the direction I wanted this thing to go. Someone who revived in me my passion for not giving up.
Of course overnight Satan tried to hurt me once again. He tried to tell me I wasn't good enough. That I needed to get out. That I was hurting the ministry more than helping it by staying in the leadership role. Only this morning I didn't realize that it was Satan whispering these things in my ear.
As I started going through the mail this morning, I came across the newsletter I get from Lori Salierno (see Wednesday's entry for a brief summary of the impact she has on my life) about her non-profit organization Celebrate Life International (Now a few of you know how the mail situation works in my house...someone gets the mail...it ends up in a pile on a chair or table...and if you don't look at the mail for the day, it gets buried the next day) This was actually her November newsletter and somehow it had gotten lost in the shuffle. I opened it and began reading. The first words of her letter were "I'm getting out, I am just getting out!" Now not to worry, she was quoting one of her speaking colleagues from a while ago. Her colleague had told her he just couldn't handle being in the secular world anymore, that it was too hard, and he was getting out. He was only going to speak to Christian kids from that point on. He couldn't handle it anymore and he was getting out.
***(side note - this is a form letter off the computer that has puts the person's name they are sending it to after Dear at the beginning of the letter)
Then I turn the page and this is what I read - "I share that experience with you, Jeanna, because we do not have the option to get out. I know that my colleague is struggling with what to do next. But the reality if there: too many of us are 'getting out'." (!!!!!!!!!!!) Can you imagine the way this impacted me! Right there, in black and white, from an amazing leader and woman of God that I admire, telling me to hold on.
As if that wasn't enough to shock me into listening, I continued reading something I believe all of us in ministry need to hear and remember - What if Joseph, Mary's fiance, had "gotten out" because Mary was pregant? What if Mary had "gotten out" because there was no room for them in the inn?....What if Abraham Lincoln had "gotten out" after losing five elections and bids for nomination, never to become president? What if African-American Rosa Parks had "gotten out" in 1955 and given up her seat to a white person on that Montgomery City bus? Seeds of reform would not have been planted that December Day." What if I choose to "get out"? What might not happen? What if I am supposed to be the one to stick it out? What if I am the leader God has chosen to make things happen? What if I decide to put myself before my ministry because "It's just too hard"?
What if?
What if?
Friday, December 02, 2005
Hmmm....
So originally this morning I was planning on posting a blog on the things that fire me up....yeah, I know, Jeanna fired up, that's nothing new :) But then as the day went on, I realized something...some of my friends and I have been talking about Blessings lately. And I realized THAT should be the main focus of my day, not all the stuff that has me fired up today...although I am going to write a little rant on that too :) SO....
Things that fire me up today -
* People who say they are Christians but who are continually hurting the cause of Christ, not helping it (To see how I got all fired up about this, look at Jon's blog)
* People who slack at my work knowing I will get the job done that needs to be done
* Myself - for always picking up the pieces because I do not want the Library to come across negatively to our patrons
* Dumb people who think they know about computers, get other people fired up about something they have no idea what is going on, and then I need to calm everyone down
* SONY! GRRRRR.... You gotta read this bull honky
Okay, so those are the few things firing me up today, and now on to the more important, flippin awesome blessings!
* Hungry Hungry Hippos - Yes this is an old school game that I love...a few months back we were all talking about it, and I even believe someone was going to go out and buy it, well anyway, someone donated some games to the library's booksale (???) (Who would donate games to a booksale, anyway) And this was one of them! So I bought it for like a dollar! I LOVE this game!! I hope you all know that we are SOOOO playing it soon! hehehe
*Snow - Yes believe it or not I am so flippin excited about the snow! I totally want to do something Winter-esque tonight (like build a snowman, have a snowball fight, make a snowangel, do the Winding Brook Christmas lights, etc. ) I just have to find people who want to partake in the craziness of my life! Anyway, so the snow is sticking and I can have fun in it - plus it is absolutely gorgeous to watch it fall - it gives me a sense of peace...
* Becky - Just because she freaked last night thinking something was wrong because the snow made it look lighter outside (Becky, if you are reading this, it was just too cute!)
* Blogs - I just love how connected I feel to everyone! They flippin rock!
* Friends - I have some of the most amazing friends a person could ever hope for! I love spending time with you all and I always look forward to the times we get to hang out together! I love doing life with all of you!
* And lastly, the blessing that blew me away and drew me to tears...last night I had a friend who was struggling. She is dealing with a lot right now - pain, confusion, anger - all the biggies. All I did was take a little time to talk with her on the phone and prayed for her (it wasn't even a very eloquent prayer) and then today I got an email from her saying that I was a blessing. Me. A blessing. She has a blessing jar that she has been struggling to use so I encouraged her to let me know everyday when she put a blessing in to hold her accountable, and today I was her blessing. Wow. I think sometimes we all forget that we are blessings to other people as well!
Thanks for listening to me vent a little but also focus on my blessings as well.
Here are a few pictures of some of my "blessings" I happen to have with me...
Things that fire me up today -
* People who say they are Christians but who are continually hurting the cause of Christ, not helping it (To see how I got all fired up about this, look at Jon's blog)
* People who slack at my work knowing I will get the job done that needs to be done
* Myself - for always picking up the pieces because I do not want the Library to come across negatively to our patrons
* Dumb people who think they know about computers, get other people fired up about something they have no idea what is going on, and then I need to calm everyone down
* SONY! GRRRRR.... You gotta read this bull honky
Okay, so those are the few things firing me up today, and now on to the more important, flippin awesome blessings!
* Hungry Hungry Hippos - Yes this is an old school game that I love...a few months back we were all talking about it, and I even believe someone was going to go out and buy it, well anyway, someone donated some games to the library's booksale (???) (Who would donate games to a booksale, anyway) And this was one of them! So I bought it for like a dollar! I LOVE this game!! I hope you all know that we are SOOOO playing it soon! hehehe
*Snow - Yes believe it or not I am so flippin excited about the snow! I totally want to do something Winter-esque tonight (like build a snowman, have a snowball fight, make a snowangel, do the Winding Brook Christmas lights, etc. ) I just have to find people who want to partake in the craziness of my life! Anyway, so the snow is sticking and I can have fun in it - plus it is absolutely gorgeous to watch it fall - it gives me a sense of peace...
* Becky - Just because she freaked last night thinking something was wrong because the snow made it look lighter outside (Becky, if you are reading this, it was just too cute!)
* Blogs - I just love how connected I feel to everyone! They flippin rock!
* Friends - I have some of the most amazing friends a person could ever hope for! I love spending time with you all and I always look forward to the times we get to hang out together! I love doing life with all of you!
* And lastly, the blessing that blew me away and drew me to tears...last night I had a friend who was struggling. She is dealing with a lot right now - pain, confusion, anger - all the biggies. All I did was take a little time to talk with her on the phone and prayed for her (it wasn't even a very eloquent prayer) and then today I got an email from her saying that I was a blessing. Me. A blessing. She has a blessing jar that she has been struggling to use so I encouraged her to let me know everyday when she put a blessing in to hold her accountable, and today I was her blessing. Wow. I think sometimes we all forget that we are blessings to other people as well!
Thanks for listening to me vent a little but also focus on my blessings as well.
Here are a few pictures of some of my "blessings" I happen to have with me...
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Random Thoughts of Today...
So I have all kinds of random things going through my head right now, so you lucky people get a scary look inside my mind....
Okay, so first off, all morning all I did at work was decorate the Computer Lab for Christmas...granted to had to help people with computers as well, but other than that, it was decorating...climbing on chairs and counters, trying to make things STAY PUT when they did not want to, ugg (as I am typing this I am staring at a garland that has partially fallen and I can't fix yet because there are patrons using the computers in front of it! I also re-discovered this morning how freakin anal I am about decorating...I tell you what I put things up and ripped them down over and over and over again...man I'm a freak!
Second total random topic...creepy people who frequent the library - So I decided that I completely jinxed myself last night. Jon had asked how work went and if I had to deal with any creepy people (not sure if that was his word, but that is the general point) I said nope, not really. And then this morning hit. There was this guy who kept turning around and staring at me...I didn't let it bother me, I mean, maybe he was looking at the printer or something...BUT just recently he came back in to get back on the computers. I went to lunch and thought "Cool, I don't have to get freaked out by him" but then...after I ate I came back to the staff part of the lab, walk by the windows to put my stuff down, glance out the window, and there he was staring at me through the window! NOW I was a little creeped out. So when I sat down at this computer, I had to slouch to the side so he couldn't see me....stupid creepy people!
Next random thought - the book Blue Like Jazz. It totally kicks butt! I am constantly thinking "Whoa, that is an awesome thing to think about, I should blog about it" but then I keep reading and find something else that is a whoa moment, and then another and then another, and then my brain just goes on overload and doesn't even know where to start! So I will start with the one that really hit me because Kitty had sent out an email recently about this same thing ---He's talking about waiting in line at a grocery store when he noticed the woman in front of him was paying with food stamps. He wished he could have just paid for the groceries for her and then realized that would be more embarrassing for her. He goes on to say "I realized that it was not the woman who should be pitied, it was me. Somehow I had come to believe that because a person is in need, they are candidates for sympathy, not just charity. It was not that I wanted to buy her groceries, the government was already doing that. I wanted to buy her dignity. And yet, by judging her, I was the one taking her dignity away." --Something to think about judging others....
And last randomness fo
r the moment....
This is Lindsey AIRBORNE after the GCC baptism this year - -note- - we have video footage as well - good times, good times....
Okay, so first off, all morning all I did at work was decorate the Computer Lab for Christmas...granted to had to help people with computers as well, but other than that, it was decorating...climbing on chairs and counters, trying to make things STAY PUT when they did not want to, ugg (as I am typing this I am staring at a garland that has partially fallen and I can't fix yet because there are patrons using the computers in front of it! I also re-discovered this morning how freakin anal I am about decorating...I tell you what I put things up and ripped them down over and over and over again...man I'm a freak!
Second total random topic...creepy people who frequent the library - So I decided that I completely jinxed myself last night. Jon had asked how work went and if I had to deal with any creepy people (not sure if that was his word, but that is the general point) I said nope, not really. And then this morning hit. There was this guy who kept turning around and staring at me...I didn't let it bother me, I mean, maybe he was looking at the printer or something...BUT just recently he came back in to get back on the computers. I went to lunch and thought "Cool, I don't have to get freaked out by him" but then...after I ate I came back to the staff part of the lab, walk by the windows to put my stuff down, glance out the window, and there he was staring at me through the window! NOW I was a little creeped out. So when I sat down at this computer, I had to slouch to the side so he couldn't see me....stupid creepy people!
Next random thought - the book Blue Like Jazz. It totally kicks butt! I am constantly thinking "Whoa, that is an awesome thing to think about, I should blog about it" but then I keep reading and find something else that is a whoa moment, and then another and then another, and then my brain just goes on overload and doesn't even know where to start! So I will start with the one that really hit me because Kitty had sent out an email recently about this same thing ---He's talking about waiting in line at a grocery store when he noticed the woman in front of him was paying with food stamps. He wished he could have just paid for the groceries for her and then realized that would be more embarrassing for her. He goes on to say "I realized that it was not the woman who should be pitied, it was me. Somehow I had come to believe that because a person is in need, they are candidates for sympathy, not just charity. It was not that I wanted to buy her groceries, the government was already doing that. I wanted to buy her dignity. And yet, by judging her, I was the one taking her dignity away." --Something to think about judging others....
And last randomness fo
r the moment....This is Lindsey AIRBORNE after the GCC baptism this year - -note- - we have video footage as well - good times, good times....
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