Things running through my head...

For this entire week I have been struggling and fighting with myself over something I know I need to do but don't know how...Sunday Laura posed this question (see my previous blog called Three Phone Calls) and I knew God was telling me I have to contact my uncle for Christmas...I took the move to search for him on the Internet on Tuesday and was successful in not only finding an email and address for him, but also many articles written about him as well as by him - thus causing my distress.

I guess it's just hard to accept that even though I am one of his two next generation blood relatives, he may not care about me. I was reading these articles about all the work he has done in Greece and came across a picture of one of his best friends who was over in Nemea last year for a faux Olympics in an ancient stadium my uncle uncovered. Though I knew he kept in contact with him, it just saddened me to see how more important his friendship was with this guy (who isn't the nicest I might add) but not to keep in touch with his nieces. It also hurt to read in an article about something that happened to him the summer of 1980 - I was born June 3, 1980 and for some reason it hurt that something was more important to him that summer than my birth. That may sound self-centered but so be it...thats how I feel right now.

I also found out that he was a Person of the Week on a national newshow last summer...

I guess I am just sad that he is not a part of my life - even though he can be a jerk, he's still my uncle...I know that some of the blame lies on me...I only try contacting him once every few years, but I can't help but wonder whats the point? Why try again? Why put myself out there to get hurt again?

I know this is what God wants me to do - I just wish he would give me the words to write and prepare my heart for possible disappointment.

God wants me to tell my uncle I love him - whether he cares or not - I do not know...